my feral girlfriend (said Spooky)

[greygirlbeast]

The insomnia continues. I got to sleep about 3 a.m. and woke about 7:30 a.m., and right now I'm just shy of delirious. I sat here at my desk watching the sun rise above the roof of the house next door, burning away the morning clouds. I do love morning, actually (though I'm not a "morning person"), but I'd prefer to see it after having slept first. After the Great Detox of February, I do strongly desire not to return to pills in order to get more than four or five hours sleep a night. Valerian has never worked well for me, and kava kava is too risky where the liver's concerned. And my insomnia laughs at mere chamomile and warm milk and hot baths and dren like that. So...I don't know. We shall see. Perhaps it's time to rearrange the bedroom furniture.

I have really got to devote a day or two to restoring my iPod, getting everything that was lost in the crash back. I'm listening to the same five or six songs over and over and over and over. It doesn't bother me as much as it probably should.

I received a weird e-mail from an acquaintance last night. She pointed me towards a LJ user who seems convinced what I've said about parahumanism indicates that I think I'm better than everyone else and wish to become a god. Um. No. I will defend myself with my own words. I wrote, on March 10th, "And it's never really been about becoming better, just different." The italics were there in the original entry. Indeed, one reason that I was no longer comfortable with the label "transhumanist" is its stress on becoming better than a mere biological entity. So, I will say again, because obviously not everyone's reading comprehension skills are quite up to snuff, I am speaking of morphological freedom and self-determination and the desire to be perceived as nonhuman. And while that no doubt sounds kind of bizarre to a lot of people, it clearly does not equate with a desire to become a god (or goddess). Especially given how frequently I've stated here and elsewhere that I see the goddess and god and divine androgyne aspects as metaphors, not actual autonomous beings. Surely, this is one of the oddest accusations ever leveled against me, but then I suppose I should have been expecting something of the sort, having openly resigned from Homo sapiens. So, yeah, people are perfectly free to think me a lunatic in this or any other regard, and even to say so publicly, but please, get it right.

Yesterday was all Limbo. Me sitting here all day, almost all day, frelling about online, unsure of the next move, wanting to write but lacking anything like direction. Perhaps today will be better. Perhaps today I can begin a new vignette. Maybe I'll start proofing the Alabaster galleys. Maybe I'll tidy up the filing cabinet. At least we got a good walk in yesterday, exploring the neighborhood west of L5P. We had a brief conversation with a beautiful little ginger tom. Even his nose was ginger. His eyes were a gorgeous sort of luminous orange. He was still in that gawky teenage phase, but past kittenhood. So, yes, a good walk.

Thai for dinner, and then we rented Gore Verbinski's The Weather Man, which must certainly be one of the most underrated films of 2005. Like Lord of War and Matchstick Men, this is one of Nicolas Cage's good films. And we got Michael Caine, in the bargain. I really think Cage's performance was deserving of a Best Oscar nomination, and I do recommend this film. And that was yesterday. And this is today. And all I can do is wait and see.

Comments

[lizziebelle.livejournal.com]

I read recently (I don't remember where- sorry) that Kava Kava is not bad for the liver, as long as it's made only with the root. Apparently there was one batch in one brand that also had other parts of the plant, and that was the one that the warnings about liver damage were about. Which is a huge relief for me, because it's the only over-the-counter supplement that helps with my anxiety.

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

Kava Kava is not bad for the liver, as long as it's made only with the root. Apparently there was one batch in one brand that also had other parts of the plant,

Hmmm. I've read the kava warnings in several places (health food and holistic medicine zines, websites, etc.), and none of them have specified a particular brand or mentioned the bit about pills made only from the root being safe. I'll do some more research. :)

[elfgirl.livejournal.com]

Here's (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/kava/AN01250) an article on Kava from the Mayo Clinic that I ran across yesterday while looking for something else entirely. It's a bizarre little thing, as it seems to say both that the risk is unknown and low, in the same breath. Still, I thought I'd offer it up for your perusal.

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

Still, I thought I'd offer it up for your perusal.

Thanks!

[z0mb1e.livejournal.com]

What genre is Imogen Heap?

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

What genre is Imogen Heap?

Hmmm. I don't know that I could say. She's the vocalist for Frou Frou, which is sort of trippy electro Brit-pop. Her solo stuff seems to have a wider range.

[z0mb1e.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I didn't know she was with Frou Frou. I like her voice a lot, and I'll have to check out her solo work.

[stardustgirl.livejournal.com]

If you tossed /sold /whatever some of those cds, I emailed my list of artists in iTunes in case you're looking for some replacement files.

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

If you tossed /sold /whatever some of those cds,

Thanks. But it was all stuff I either own or had downloaded.

[mech-angel.livejournal.com]

I've made a mixture of teas recently that knock me out like nobody's business. It's mostly Jasmine Green tea, and Lavender, with a little Hibiscus. The Jasmine goes in first in the bag, and the rest separately in a tea ball because the flowers steep differently and taste like soggy grass clippings if you leave them in longer than about thirty seconds.

other possibilities

[mockingbirdgrrl.livejournal.com]

on the less synthetic level, i had a friend who swore by sublingual melatonin capsules as a sleep aid. those never worked for me. however, i'm currently a walking commerical for biochem's tension rx (recommended to me by the boise co-op). its a combination of B6, magnesium, hops and 4-amino-3-phenylbutyric acid. one in the morning (or any time during the day) acts as a mood stabilizer that's much less "false" feeling than, say, st. john's wort, and two before bed gives one that fluffy, rolly-polly, sleepy feeling. though you really do need that "eight hours to devote to sleep" when taken this way. the only warning i'd attach out of my own experience has been slightly more vivid dreams after a day-time dose, but that could be a side effect of what they tout as "improved mental clarity."
i've tried to find more info on these, but biochem's website is woefully uninformative. seems a lot of the kids on erowid like it as a mild sedative, too. (and they're vegetarian. the pills, not the kids.)

[sovay]

I am speaking of morphological freedom and self-determination and the desire to be perceived as nonhuman. And while that no doubt sounds kind of bizarre to a lot of people, it clearly does not equate with a desire to become a god (or goddess).

It indicates an interesting default about whoever made that assumption, however: that there's only up or down in their scale of the universe, there's no sideways.

I still lament the loss of my vestigial gills.

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

It indicates an interesting default about whoever made that assumption, however: that there's only up or down in their scale of the universe, there's no sideways.

I was thinking this, as well. What's being said here (despite my already having said otherwise, from the start) is that should one cease to be human or try to cease being human or merely stop thinking of herself as human, then she could only possilbly have the intention of becoming "better."

By the way, speaking of vestiges, have I ever mentioned my tail? It's extremely small, but it's there. I've always marveled that it wasn't removed at birth. A year or so ago I asked my mother if she knew about it, and she admitted that she did. As Merricat said, "I have often thought that with any luck at all I could have been born a werewolf..."

[sovay]

should one cease to be human or try to cease being human or merely stop thinking of herself as human, then she could only possilbly have the intention of becoming "better."

I'm sure I can't actually blame Christianity for this concept, but I'm thinking of miracle plays and morality plays and the way that humanity is always positioned below heaven, above hell: there's only a vertical axis. (The way I'm sure some people still view evolution as a stately climb toward an end: namely, us, the pinnacle of the branching tree.) So what happens if you simply decide to step off the stage?

By the way, speaking of vestiges, have I ever mentioned my tail?

You never have. That's marvelous.

(By the time I found out about the gills, they were gone. I had surgery on my sinuses in the summer of 2004, and apparently the vestigial gills were a side casualty. I maintain, however, that this goes a long way toward explaining my affinity for the sea.)

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

Well, I do tend to blame Xtianity for almost everything, but... ;)

(The way I'm sure some people still view evolution as a stately climb toward an end: namely, us, the pinnacle of the branching tree.)

Oh, I imagine that most people still see evolution this way. There's a tree or, worse yet, a ladder, and "advanced" is up (Heaven) and "primtive" is down (Hell). There are even a few evolutionists who think in terms of primitive and advanced, instead of plesiomorphic vs. synapomorphic, conservative vs. dervived, etc. When I was teaching evolutionary biology at UAB, it was pretty much impossible to get students not to think of evolution in terms of "progress," with humans at the very top of the heap.

So what happens if you simply decide to step off the stage?

And that's the question I'm asking.

That's marvelous.

It's a puny thing, but i'm inordinately proud of it.

I maintain, however, that this goes a long way toward explaining my affinity for the sea.

No doubt! :)

[sovay]

Oh, I imagine that most people still see evolution this way. There's a tree or, worse yet, a ladder, and "advanced" is up (Heaven) and "primtive" is down (Hell).

Hey! Don't knock the slime mold! Or exorcise it, either . . .

Man. I would honestly have assumed that most people (who know anything about evolution, I should qualify; obviously I can't expect creationists to agree) had discarded that model by now. Sigh.

When I was teaching evolutionary biology at UAB

I commend your patience . . .

It's a puny thing, but i'm inordinately proud of it.

You should be. : )

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

I commend your patience . . .

Thing is, way back then, in that other life, I really did love teaching. Most of my students were pre-med, and it was a given that about 50% were creationists of one stripe or another. I just always began the first lecture with, "I'm here to teach you. You don't have to believe what I'm teaching you, but you do have to learn it. And we will not discuss creationism." For the most part, it went well.

Man. I would honestly have assumed that most people (who know anything about evolution, I should qualify; obviously I can't expect creationists to agree) had discarded that model by now. Sigh.

It's just a sort of intellectual laziness. Bad habits. And keep in mind, the "phylogenetic revolution" only really took hold in America about ten years ago. Before that, it was pretty much acceptable to talk about advanced and primitive species, to toss about all sorts of value-laden terminology, etc.

[haegtessa.livejournal.com]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parahumans

What do you think, should you edit it with your version of this term as well so we (those of us who comprehend your usage) can start using it? Or can you come up with another word?

p.s. My friends and I use "breed", short for "nightbreed" as we haven't yet come to discover another term that syncs.

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

p.s. My friends and I use "breed", short for "nightbreed" as we haven't yet come to discover another term that syncs.

I like that. Back in the early '90s, when I first began allowing these thoughts to coalesce in my mind, I was very much in love with the Nightbreed and longed for Midian.

There's always "Otherkin," but it now has some connotations I might desire to avoid.


What do you think, should you edit it with your version of this term as well so we (those of us who comprehend your usage) can start using it? Or can you come up with another word?

I think it's just a matter of expanding the definition to include those of us who desire to be or choose to be chimeras. Then again, "chimara" is a nice word, its ownself.

[aoniedesade.livejournal.com]

There's always "Otherkin," but it now has some connotations I might desire to avoid.

I dislike using the term otherkin because frankly many of the people that identify themselves as otherkin are...shall I say, a little less than sane, and not in the good way. This is also the reason I'm not comfortable calling myself pagan anymore. There is a world of difference between someone who has picked up the latest bit of dren from Llewellyn Press and covers themselves in crystals and pentacles, and a member of The Temple of Set. Of course, every religion or spiritual faction has their radicals and kooks, some more than others. I've been accused of taking myself too seriously, or simply not giving a flying fuck.

"And it's never really been about becoming better, just different."

I think thats why as soon as I was able, I started covering myself in tattoos and too many ill-advised piercings to count, and got into f/x makeup. Anything to change this flesh. Your stories from Tears Seven Times Salt to Faces In Revolving Souls have been very inspirational to me.

Back in the early '90s, when I first began allowing these thoughts to coalesce in my mind, I was very much in love with the Nightbreed and longed for Midian.

I read Cabal when I was 13, and it was another book that helped me along the way into forming parts of my identity. I still have days where I'm stuck between knowing exactly who and what I am and what I want to become, and others where I'm sure that I'm a lunatic and that my doctor needs to up the meds.

Chimera is a very fitting term, I think.

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

Your stories from Tears Seven Times Salt to Faces In Revolving Souls have been very inspirational to me.

Thank you for saying so. That means an awful lot to me. As sovay has pointed out, I believe, and as have others, the theme of somatic transformation has often been central to my fiction. And, of course, this has always arisen, in large part, from my own yearning for transformation.

Chimera is a very fitting term, I think.

I think maybe you're right.

I dislike using the term otherkin because frankly many of the people that identify themselves as otherkin are...shall I say, a little less than sane, and not in the good way.

I admit that I've been put off by much of the Otherkin "community." The links to furries and self-professed lycanthropes ("therianthropes") and even zoophiles...all that. It's not that I necessarily have anything against furries or people who believe that they can physically, literally, transform into wolves, it's just that I'd rather have a term with, shall we say, less attendant baggage.

Nice comments. Thanks. I didn't know your interests extended into this area. :)

[aoniedesade.livejournal.com]

the theme of somatic transformation has often been central to my fiction. And, of course, this has always arisen, in large part, from my own yearning for transformation.

I think the Shakespeare quote at the end of Tears Seven Times Salt said it best..."Oh that this too solid flesh would melt..."

Faces in Revolving Souls eloquently gave voice to the pain and dissatifaction I have felt all to often that this body, that biology and science seems to have failed me. Poppy's essay "Enough Rope" and The Dresden Doll's song "Half Jack" pretty much sums up how I feel about a few things.



It's not that I necessarily have anything against furries or people who believe that they can physically, literally, transform into wolves, it's just that I'd rather have a term with, shall we say, less attendant baggage.

I pretty much feel the same way. Chimera is a very fitting term and one that I can deal with.



Nice comments. Thanks. I didn't know your interests extended into this area. :)

You're quite welcome. I've been a little shy to comment before. As for my interests in these areas, it's not something I often talk about, but it is something that I have felt and explored since my very early teens. It's only in the last two years that I've begun to truly come to terms with it and talk about it sort of openly. I've been called very ugly names and been in several nasty situations with people throughout the years when I did speak up, but they never managed to shut me up, or break my middle finger. Now that I'm more sure of myself, I've begun to discuss these issues with more openly,and my very close friends understand. They are thankfully some of the most wonderful and understanding people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing and assure me that I don't need to check into the asylum for an extended stay.

I plan to attend Dragon*Con this year, actually, and I was wondering how to get in touch with the person who does your makeup for Na'Reth. I have a few ideas, and I was wondering what prices are, etc. I'm getting a bit sick of this pink makeup, and Dragon*Con is the perfect place to sashay about in what at least looks like my "real" skin.

[setsuled.livejournal.com]

I'm imagining someone attaining a non-human consciousness, and finding that art and fiction don't resonate with them anymore. Such an individual, I suppose, would have to begin creating their own artistic forms and traditions, assuming art would be relevant to that individual at all. I imagine it would be a singularly lonely experience, actually, to no longer find relevance in the subtlest aspects of art for being bereft of a society of like creatures to have had the experience of butting against.

Of course, I'm assuming here that reaching a non-human consciousness would necessarily negate the relevancy of human sensibilities. Though that does strike me as being the point. I don't know. Would you rather truly be a "species of one" or would you prefer that there were a vast array of existing sentient species, and that you could choose to become a member of whichever you wish?

wish to become a god.

Caitlín, if someone asks you if you're a god, you say, "yes!"

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

Though that does strike me as being the point. I don't know. Would you rather truly be a "species of one" or would you prefer that there were a vast array of existing sentient species, and that you could choose to become a member of whichever you wish?

These are good questions, and they're things I've spent a lot of time thinking about. Still, I have only the most incomplete sorts of answers. Yes, of course I would, from my present POV, prefer a "vast array of sentient species," and that I could choose which one I feel most comfortable belonging to. But, my "species of one" model" is actually much closer to reality. And I should add, so much of the time I feel so profoundly alienated from most everything that people take for granted. I spend a lot of time and energy trying to make it look like this isn't so, but it is so. It is very so. Sometimes I think I'll wake one morning and just not remember anymore, how to communicate, etc. And I won't care. I suppose that's what people mean by transcendence.

I talk about this. I don't talk about how much it frightens me.

Caitlín, if someone asks you if you're a god, you say, "yes!"

*snork*

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

And now all this has me thinking about Arwen Evanstar, leaving her people, her race, her species, and trying to become mortal/human. I'm not exactly sure what the precise point of relevence here is, but it seems to be here somewhere.

[sovay]

The one who's always interested me is her father, Elrond: because he has, like all the descendants of Eärendil and Elwing, the choice between human and elven, and he chooses to be an elf.

Luthien chose humanity, for the sake of her love. Elrond's brother became, and his daughter Arwen will become, mortal. But in some ways, theirs is a more familiar story: we're used to immortals who choose mortality, because it's what we know, it's what we value, the transient beauty that's all the brighter because it dies; Elrond's an anomaly. I have no idea what his reasons were. (It's like the difference between Cassiel and Damiel in Wings of Desire: the one who chooses to descend into the flesh and the one who does not.) I don't know even know if Tolkien gave much thought to the subject. But I've always wondered.

. . . sorry, my geekery is showing.

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

. . . sorry, my geekery is showing.

Yes, but you're so very good at it. ;)

Elrond's an anomaly. I have no idea what his reasons were. (It's like the difference between Cassiel and Damiel in Wings of Desire: the one who chooses to descend into the flesh and the one who does not.) I don't know even know if Tolkien gave much thought to the subject. But I've always wondered.

I honestly don't think I ever gave it much thought, either. Though, it seems significant, now that you bring it up.

[sovay]

Yes, but you're so very good at it. ;)

Aw, shucks. ; )

(You should hear fleurdelis28 on Tolkien. She has put enough thought into his work for a dissertation.)

Though, it seems significant, now that you bring it up.

Thanks. I'll try to think more about it when I'm actually awake . . .

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

when I'm actually awake . . .

I know what you mean.

[setsuled.livejournal.com]

And I should add, so much of the time I feel so profoundly alienated from most everything that people take for granted.

I think I envy you for that. There are plenty of really nasty aspects of humanity that I wish I couldn't see any seed of in myself.

I don't talk about how much it frightens me.

I imagine it would be frightening. Big change in life is always difficult--becoming a different species would probably be extremely frightening. Though I suppose that fearful reaction would be one of the human programmes to be cast aside. Though that's also probably frightening, as the inability to be duly alarmed by something strikes a rather primal note of fear.

Hmm. Typing that puts me in the mind of a lot of works of dark fiction, though no specific titles leap to my mind. Possibly because I haven't had coffee yet.

And now all this has me thinking about Arwen Evanstar, leaving her people, her race, her species, and trying to become mortal/human. I'm not exactly sure what the precise point of relevence here is, but it seems to be here somewhere.

That bit in the Two Towers movie where Elrond explains to her what her existence would be like certainly has some relevance to this issue. Having set it up, it actually felt sort of odd that it wasn't followed up upon in the next movie. Maybe they shouldn't have opened that can of worms, but it was certainly a beautiful scene.

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

I think I envy you for that. There are plenty of really nasty aspects of humanity that I wish I couldn't see any seed of in myself.

But. See. There are probably also very good (or at least goodish) aspects that you still see in yourself that I've not seen in myself in at least a couple of years now.

Though I suppose that fearful reaction would be one of the human programmes to be cast aside. Though that's also probably frightening, as the inability to be duly alarmed by something strikes a rather primal note of fear.

I think I have, in the past, described it as a dread of the fear of no longer fearing the unknown. But the way you said it, that works, too.

That bit in the Two Towers movie where Elrond explains to her what her existence would be like certainly has some relevance to this issue. Having set it up, it actually felt sort of odd that it wasn't followed up upon in the next movie. Maybe they shouldn't have opened that can of worms, but it was certainly a beautiful scene.

Agreed, it is a beautiful scene in the film, and agreed that it also feels like Jackson either forgot about it in Return of the King or just didn't know how to address it. It wasn't necessary to resolve it, but some more attention might have been needed.

[setsuled.livejournal.com]

There are probably also very good (or at least goodish) aspects that you still see in yourself that I've not seen in myself in at least a couple of years now.

Hmm. That's an interesting point. I'd say the aspects of being me that I like would include the abilities to see, hear, taste, touch . . . and, I suppose, being able to smell is nice, particularly when there's fresh coffee around. And also my ability to feel pleasure and my ability to think. I wouldn't classify any of those things as being uniquely human. But, then again, if you were to ask me what the nasty aspects of humanity of which I see seeds of in myself were--allowing destructive and sadistic passions to overrule my rational mind and consideration for my environment--I'm not sure I'd classify them as uniquely human either, but I suppose humans are the only species we've seen to take such things as far as they have.

But then we get to a point where we define human consciousness as merely being especially intelligent, as being capable of complex abstract thought. And I suppose the consciousness you're referring to switching to would be more about having different constructed pathways of reason and emotion in the brain, either of purely psychological or chemical influences, or both.

So, perhaps it's very lazy of me, but I'm not sure whether I mind if my personality is human so long as I can continue to think and feel and to enjoy myself while doing as little harm as possible. Do you see these qualities as being irreconcilable with the species you wish to become? Would you want them? Well, I suppose obviously one wants pleasure (unless you don't). As a new species, you may have an improved range of sensations, too. Or perhaps there's a different arrangement of feelers to provide simply a different sort of perception, though not necessarily unequal in intrinsic quality.

I guess this is just a roundabout way of asking you; which human characteristics do you feel disconnected from?

[aoniedesade.livejournal.com]

And now all this has me thinking about Arwen Evanstar, leaving her people, her race, her species, and trying to become mortal/human

I often think of the unicorn in The Last Unicorn. I first saw it when I was 5, and I've seen it too many times to count. The unicorn, an immortal being, was all of a sudden slammed into a human, mortal body. Albeit, it was to save her, but still. An immortal being in a mortal body. "I can feel this body dying around me." has always summed up how I've felt throughout the years. It's weaknesses, faults, inadequacies, lack of things, incapabilities. I suffered for a good many years.

It's only in the past two years that I've come to terms that this is the body I am in, I will make the best with what I have. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. Thus the tattoos, the (now greatly reduced) piercings, the makeup. If I am stuck in it, the least I can do is make it beautiful as I can. Of course, my definition of beauty is greatly at odds with the standard, which I indeed bite my thumb at.

[tactileson.livejournal.com]

Cait said: "And I should add, so much of the time I feel so profoundly alienated from most everything that people take for granted."

Setsuled said: I think I envy you for that. There are plenty of really nasty aspects of humanity that I wish I couldn't see any seed of in myself.

I find myself agreeing with both these statements. I have, in the past, felt that wanting to change myself into the thing I wish I could be was in some way a selfish act of wishing that I didn't see certain human traits in myself that I see in others I dislike. I guess no-one wants to see in themselves the traits of a Hitler, or some crazy religious preacher, or a fat woman in a pink muumuu, flip flops and lycra shorts buying flabby armloads of McDonald's food. I sometimes see it less as realizing the limitations of humanity and more as giving up on what humanity could be.

To wish that humanity could be better than its current state is normal, but it seems to me that giving up on humanity entirely seems like a cop out, and that is no way meant as an offense to Caitlin, as I too feel alien on this planet. But, I battle with myself quite a lot as to whether or not it's because I am alien, or rather I'm just angry as hell that humanity has let me down. I feel like there could be so much more freedom for humanity to open up and grow, in ways of self-expression and personal freedom, that if everyone was on the right page and along for the ride then there would be no reason to want to be non-human, as this new humanity could emerge, a new evolutionary step, and things could reach a level we've never dreamed of.

Maybe I'm just too drunk or tired to be making any real sense. But there is a part of me that thinks like Bill Hicks, I would like to see the dross of humanity burned away, but there is a big part of me that hopes that when the smoke clears, I won't be alone, and there will be a long line of fellow humans saying "we get it now, let's move on the to next plateau."

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

To wish that humanity could be better than its current state is normal, but it seems to me that giving up on humanity entirely seems like a cop out, and that is no way meant as an offense to Caitlin,

But sometimes I see it as a cop out, too. Really. I do. I have those moments when that's exactly what it seems like.

And yes, part of this thing I feel is disgust at what humanity is, what it's always been, how it behaves towards itself and the rest of the planet. I harp on this a lot. A lot a lot. But there's all this other stuff. And it's the other stuff that's really brought me to the place where I am now. It's not so different from gender dysphoria. I just don't seem to fit in this body. You know, it's almost midnight and I'm going to shut up. But I think what I'm trying to say is that I've come to realize that if I woke up tomorrow and all the wars were over and everyone was working non-stop to undo the damage and create a sustainable population and there was no more hatred and all those wondrous little frelling pipe dreams had come true, I'd be glad. I'd be very, very glad, and my opinion of humanity, whatever it's worth, would suddenly improve a millionfold.

But I still wouldn't think of myself as human. I still wouldn't feel human. I'd just find it a lot easier to live among them.

[tactileson.livejournal.com]

But I think what I'm trying to say is that I've come to realize that if I woke up tomorrow and all the wars were over and everyone was working non-stop to undo the damage and create a sustainable population and there was no more hatred and all those wondrous little frelling pipe dreams had come true, I'd be glad. I'd be very, very glad, and my opinion of humanity, whatever it's worth, would suddenly improve a millionfold.

But I still wouldn't think of myself as human. I still wouldn't feel human. I'd just find it a lot easier to live among them.

Well said. I think that sums it up perfectly.

[asru.livejournal.com]

So, I will say again, because obviously not everyone's reading comprehension skills are quite up to snuff, I am speaking of morphological freedom and self-determination and the desire to be perceived as nonhuman.

The person who perceived this as you wishing to become a god is assuming that when you wish to become non-human, the only further thing to become is a god (whatever they themselves believe a god to be). Surely there are plenty of options for classifying what you aim to become. I realise I'm preaching to the converted, but it seemed like this person had made such a big leap.

Your your feelings regarding the human race have some resonance with me - I too don't feel completely a part of our species. I don't think that it manifests itself as strongly as it does with you - I have never really had a desire to alter my physical appearance, for example - but I have a certain sense of alienation. I am not affected by human tragedy in the same way as I am affected by tragedies befalling other species, or by the damage that is being done to the environment. I don't know if that makes me a bad person, I can't resolve that in my head. But the fact is that for about ten years now I keep wandering back to the idea of leaving society altogether, and bemoaning the fact that it isn't possible. I don't share these ideas with people - perhaps that makes me a coward.

Your thoughts on these issues are much more cohesive than anything I have attained. I recently discovered the idea of humanism, and found that it made a lot of sense to me - but your ideas about trying to find something which takes this idea further, by existing as a part of nature rather than just humanity is very, very interesting, and - to me, at least - inspiring.