my feral girlfriend (said Spooky)

[greygirlbeast]

The insomnia continues. I got to sleep about 3 a.m. and woke about 7:30 a.m., and right now I'm just shy of delirious. I sat here at my desk watching the sun rise above the roof of the house next door, burning away the morning clouds. I do love morning, actually (though I'm not a "morning person"), but I'd prefer to see it after having slept first. After the Great Detox of February, I do strongly desire not to return to pills in order to get more than four or five hours sleep a night. Valerian has never worked well for me, and kava kava is too risky where the liver's concerned. And my insomnia laughs at mere chamomile and warm milk and hot baths and dren like that. So...I don't know. We shall see. Perhaps it's time to rearrange the bedroom furniture.

I have really got to devote a day or two to restoring my iPod, getting everything that was lost in the crash back. I'm listening to the same five or six songs over and over and over and over. It doesn't bother me as much as it probably should.

I received a weird e-mail from an acquaintance last night. She pointed me towards a LJ user who seems convinced what I've said about parahumanism indicates that I think I'm better than everyone else and wish to become a god. Um. No. I will defend myself with my own words. I wrote, on March 10th, "And it's never really been about becoming better, just different." The italics were there in the original entry. Indeed, one reason that I was no longer comfortable with the label "transhumanist" is its stress on becoming better than a mere biological entity. So, I will say again, because obviously not everyone's reading comprehension skills are quite up to snuff, I am speaking of morphological freedom and self-determination and the desire to be perceived as nonhuman. And while that no doubt sounds kind of bizarre to a lot of people, it clearly does not equate with a desire to become a god (or goddess). Especially given how frequently I've stated here and elsewhere that I see the goddess and god and divine androgyne aspects as metaphors, not actual autonomous beings. Surely, this is one of the oddest accusations ever leveled against me, but then I suppose I should have been expecting something of the sort, having openly resigned from Homo sapiens. So, yeah, people are perfectly free to think me a lunatic in this or any other regard, and even to say so publicly, but please, get it right.

Yesterday was all Limbo. Me sitting here all day, almost all day, frelling about online, unsure of the next move, wanting to write but lacking anything like direction. Perhaps today will be better. Perhaps today I can begin a new vignette. Maybe I'll start proofing the Alabaster galleys. Maybe I'll tidy up the filing cabinet. At least we got a good walk in yesterday, exploring the neighborhood west of L5P. We had a brief conversation with a beautiful little ginger tom. Even his nose was ginger. His eyes were a gorgeous sort of luminous orange. He was still in that gawky teenage phase, but past kittenhood. So, yes, a good walk.

Thai for dinner, and then we rented Gore Verbinski's The Weather Man, which must certainly be one of the most underrated films of 2005. Like Lord of War and Matchstick Men, this is one of Nicolas Cage's good films. And we got Michael Caine, in the bargain. I really think Cage's performance was deserving of a Best Oscar nomination, and I do recommend this film. And that was yesterday. And this is today. And all I can do is wait and see.

Comments

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

It indicates an interesting default about whoever made that assumption, however: that there's only up or down in their scale of the universe, there's no sideways.

I was thinking this, as well. What's being said here (despite my already having said otherwise, from the start) is that should one cease to be human or try to cease being human or merely stop thinking of herself as human, then she could only possilbly have the intention of becoming "better."

By the way, speaking of vestiges, have I ever mentioned my tail? It's extremely small, but it's there. I've always marveled that it wasn't removed at birth. A year or so ago I asked my mother if she knew about it, and she admitted that she did. As Merricat said, "I have often thought that with any luck at all I could have been born a werewolf..."

[sovay]

should one cease to be human or try to cease being human or merely stop thinking of herself as human, then she could only possilbly have the intention of becoming "better."

I'm sure I can't actually blame Christianity for this concept, but I'm thinking of miracle plays and morality plays and the way that humanity is always positioned below heaven, above hell: there's only a vertical axis. (The way I'm sure some people still view evolution as a stately climb toward an end: namely, us, the pinnacle of the branching tree.) So what happens if you simply decide to step off the stage?

By the way, speaking of vestiges, have I ever mentioned my tail?

You never have. That's marvelous.

(By the time I found out about the gills, they were gone. I had surgery on my sinuses in the summer of 2004, and apparently the vestigial gills were a side casualty. I maintain, however, that this goes a long way toward explaining my affinity for the sea.)

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

Well, I do tend to blame Xtianity for almost everything, but... ;)

(The way I'm sure some people still view evolution as a stately climb toward an end: namely, us, the pinnacle of the branching tree.)

Oh, I imagine that most people still see evolution this way. There's a tree or, worse yet, a ladder, and "advanced" is up (Heaven) and "primtive" is down (Hell). There are even a few evolutionists who think in terms of primitive and advanced, instead of plesiomorphic vs. synapomorphic, conservative vs. dervived, etc. When I was teaching evolutionary biology at UAB, it was pretty much impossible to get students not to think of evolution in terms of "progress," with humans at the very top of the heap.

So what happens if you simply decide to step off the stage?

And that's the question I'm asking.

That's marvelous.

It's a puny thing, but i'm inordinately proud of it.

I maintain, however, that this goes a long way toward explaining my affinity for the sea.

No doubt! :)

[sovay]

Oh, I imagine that most people still see evolution this way. There's a tree or, worse yet, a ladder, and "advanced" is up (Heaven) and "primtive" is down (Hell).

Hey! Don't knock the slime mold! Or exorcise it, either . . .

Man. I would honestly have assumed that most people (who know anything about evolution, I should qualify; obviously I can't expect creationists to agree) had discarded that model by now. Sigh.

When I was teaching evolutionary biology at UAB

I commend your patience . . .

It's a puny thing, but i'm inordinately proud of it.

You should be. : )

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

I commend your patience . . .

Thing is, way back then, in that other life, I really did love teaching. Most of my students were pre-med, and it was a given that about 50% were creationists of one stripe or another. I just always began the first lecture with, "I'm here to teach you. You don't have to believe what I'm teaching you, but you do have to learn it. And we will not discuss creationism." For the most part, it went well.

Man. I would honestly have assumed that most people (who know anything about evolution, I should qualify; obviously I can't expect creationists to agree) had discarded that model by now. Sigh.

It's just a sort of intellectual laziness. Bad habits. And keep in mind, the "phylogenetic revolution" only really took hold in America about ten years ago. Before that, it was pretty much acceptable to talk about advanced and primitive species, to toss about all sorts of value-laden terminology, etc.