my feral girlfriend (said Spooky)

[greygirlbeast]

The insomnia continues. I got to sleep about 3 a.m. and woke about 7:30 a.m., and right now I'm just shy of delirious. I sat here at my desk watching the sun rise above the roof of the house next door, burning away the morning clouds. I do love morning, actually (though I'm not a "morning person"), but I'd prefer to see it after having slept first. After the Great Detox of February, I do strongly desire not to return to pills in order to get more than four or five hours sleep a night. Valerian has never worked well for me, and kava kava is too risky where the liver's concerned. And my insomnia laughs at mere chamomile and warm milk and hot baths and dren like that. So...I don't know. We shall see. Perhaps it's time to rearrange the bedroom furniture.

I have really got to devote a day or two to restoring my iPod, getting everything that was lost in the crash back. I'm listening to the same five or six songs over and over and over and over. It doesn't bother me as much as it probably should.

I received a weird e-mail from an acquaintance last night. She pointed me towards a LJ user who seems convinced what I've said about parahumanism indicates that I think I'm better than everyone else and wish to become a god. Um. No. I will defend myself with my own words. I wrote, on March 10th, "And it's never really been about becoming better, just different." The italics were there in the original entry. Indeed, one reason that I was no longer comfortable with the label "transhumanist" is its stress on becoming better than a mere biological entity. So, I will say again, because obviously not everyone's reading comprehension skills are quite up to snuff, I am speaking of morphological freedom and self-determination and the desire to be perceived as nonhuman. And while that no doubt sounds kind of bizarre to a lot of people, it clearly does not equate with a desire to become a god (or goddess). Especially given how frequently I've stated here and elsewhere that I see the goddess and god and divine androgyne aspects as metaphors, not actual autonomous beings. Surely, this is one of the oddest accusations ever leveled against me, but then I suppose I should have been expecting something of the sort, having openly resigned from Homo sapiens. So, yeah, people are perfectly free to think me a lunatic in this or any other regard, and even to say so publicly, but please, get it right.

Yesterday was all Limbo. Me sitting here all day, almost all day, frelling about online, unsure of the next move, wanting to write but lacking anything like direction. Perhaps today will be better. Perhaps today I can begin a new vignette. Maybe I'll start proofing the Alabaster galleys. Maybe I'll tidy up the filing cabinet. At least we got a good walk in yesterday, exploring the neighborhood west of L5P. We had a brief conversation with a beautiful little ginger tom. Even his nose was ginger. His eyes were a gorgeous sort of luminous orange. He was still in that gawky teenage phase, but past kittenhood. So, yes, a good walk.

Thai for dinner, and then we rented Gore Verbinski's The Weather Man, which must certainly be one of the most underrated films of 2005. Like Lord of War and Matchstick Men, this is one of Nicolas Cage's good films. And we got Michael Caine, in the bargain. I really think Cage's performance was deserving of a Best Oscar nomination, and I do recommend this film. And that was yesterday. And this is today. And all I can do is wait and see.

Comments

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

p.s. My friends and I use "breed", short for "nightbreed" as we haven't yet come to discover another term that syncs.

I like that. Back in the early '90s, when I first began allowing these thoughts to coalesce in my mind, I was very much in love with the Nightbreed and longed for Midian.

There's always "Otherkin," but it now has some connotations I might desire to avoid.


What do you think, should you edit it with your version of this term as well so we (those of us who comprehend your usage) can start using it? Or can you come up with another word?

I think it's just a matter of expanding the definition to include those of us who desire to be or choose to be chimeras. Then again, "chimara" is a nice word, its ownself.

[aoniedesade.livejournal.com]

There's always "Otherkin," but it now has some connotations I might desire to avoid.

I dislike using the term otherkin because frankly many of the people that identify themselves as otherkin are...shall I say, a little less than sane, and not in the good way. This is also the reason I'm not comfortable calling myself pagan anymore. There is a world of difference between someone who has picked up the latest bit of dren from Llewellyn Press and covers themselves in crystals and pentacles, and a member of The Temple of Set. Of course, every religion or spiritual faction has their radicals and kooks, some more than others. I've been accused of taking myself too seriously, or simply not giving a flying fuck.

"And it's never really been about becoming better, just different."

I think thats why as soon as I was able, I started covering myself in tattoos and too many ill-advised piercings to count, and got into f/x makeup. Anything to change this flesh. Your stories from Tears Seven Times Salt to Faces In Revolving Souls have been very inspirational to me.

Back in the early '90s, when I first began allowing these thoughts to coalesce in my mind, I was very much in love with the Nightbreed and longed for Midian.

I read Cabal when I was 13, and it was another book that helped me along the way into forming parts of my identity. I still have days where I'm stuck between knowing exactly who and what I am and what I want to become, and others where I'm sure that I'm a lunatic and that my doctor needs to up the meds.

Chimera is a very fitting term, I think.

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

Your stories from Tears Seven Times Salt to Faces In Revolving Souls have been very inspirational to me.

Thank you for saying so. That means an awful lot to me. As sovay has pointed out, I believe, and as have others, the theme of somatic transformation has often been central to my fiction. And, of course, this has always arisen, in large part, from my own yearning for transformation.

Chimera is a very fitting term, I think.

I think maybe you're right.

I dislike using the term otherkin because frankly many of the people that identify themselves as otherkin are...shall I say, a little less than sane, and not in the good way.

I admit that I've been put off by much of the Otherkin "community." The links to furries and self-professed lycanthropes ("therianthropes") and even zoophiles...all that. It's not that I necessarily have anything against furries or people who believe that they can physically, literally, transform into wolves, it's just that I'd rather have a term with, shall we say, less attendant baggage.

Nice comments. Thanks. I didn't know your interests extended into this area. :)

[aoniedesade.livejournal.com]

the theme of somatic transformation has often been central to my fiction. And, of course, this has always arisen, in large part, from my own yearning for transformation.

I think the Shakespeare quote at the end of Tears Seven Times Salt said it best..."Oh that this too solid flesh would melt..."

Faces in Revolving Souls eloquently gave voice to the pain and dissatifaction I have felt all to often that this body, that biology and science seems to have failed me. Poppy's essay "Enough Rope" and The Dresden Doll's song "Half Jack" pretty much sums up how I feel about a few things.



It's not that I necessarily have anything against furries or people who believe that they can physically, literally, transform into wolves, it's just that I'd rather have a term with, shall we say, less attendant baggage.

I pretty much feel the same way. Chimera is a very fitting term and one that I can deal with.



Nice comments. Thanks. I didn't know your interests extended into this area. :)

You're quite welcome. I've been a little shy to comment before. As for my interests in these areas, it's not something I often talk about, but it is something that I have felt and explored since my very early teens. It's only in the last two years that I've begun to truly come to terms with it and talk about it sort of openly. I've been called very ugly names and been in several nasty situations with people throughout the years when I did speak up, but they never managed to shut me up, or break my middle finger. Now that I'm more sure of myself, I've begun to discuss these issues with more openly,and my very close friends understand. They are thankfully some of the most wonderful and understanding people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing and assure me that I don't need to check into the asylum for an extended stay.

I plan to attend Dragon*Con this year, actually, and I was wondering how to get in touch with the person who does your makeup for Na'Reth. I have a few ideas, and I was wondering what prices are, etc. I'm getting a bit sick of this pink makeup, and Dragon*Con is the perfect place to sashay about in what at least looks like my "real" skin.