Caitlín R. Kiernan

So, if like me, you're being driven slowly insane by the canned Xmas music which bombards our senses from all directions, boring its way inside of brains, infecting us with good cheer and the urge to spend, there's a cure. Why go slowly insane, when you can cut to the chase, unleash Cthulhu, and go quickly insane! The kind folks at the H. P. Lovecraft Historical Society, makers of that marvelous "silent" film version of The Call of Cthulhu, are now offering two CDs of carols perfectly suited to those of us who have chosen to embrace our inner cephalopod — A Very Scary Solstice and An Ever Scarier Solstice. You can even download sample songs for free. Well, one whole sample song, anyway (lyrics below).

I'll have a blue Solstice, Cthulhu.
I'll be so blue thinking what you'll do.
Sacrifices of red on the blue open sea,
Won't mean a thing until you're here with me.

Until your blue nightmares awake me,
And all my blue angels forsake me,
You'll be down in your tomb, in cyclopean gloom,
And I'll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Solstice.

(spoken) Oh Cthulhu, baby, c'mon up out of that tomb. I can't stop thinking about your huge flabby claws, them little wings of yours, that grotesque scaly body, and them big ol' tentacles wrapped around me. Oh darlin', I can't go on without you.

You'll be down in your tomb in cyclopean gloom,
And I'll have a blue, blue, blue, blue, Solstice.

(Really. It's only November 28th, okay, and already the frelling Xmas carols have me thinking extremely antisocial thoughts...)