You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your enemies, or, it would seem, your audience.

[greygirlbeast]

Rain came in at some point last night. I awoke at eight or so and lay listening to the downpour. As I type this, the sun is coming through the clouds, glinting off the water on the new leaves. I feel sort of giddy, sort of absurdly relieved at this particular spring, as though some part of me truly thought it would never come. The world's awake again. The trees are green, flowers are everywhere, as are bees (both bumble and honey). And red wasps. And yellow jackets. And hornets. A very determined hornet tried for about an hour to get in through my office window yesterday.

I sort of hate to come back after three days away from LJ/Blogger and cause a ruckus right off the bat, or right out of the gate, or whatever, but something's been bothering me for some time now. I resolved yesterday to deal with it, as tactfully as possible (which probably won't be very). It concerns a question which I've raised here before, in passing, regarding, well, realizing that one has readers that one would just as soon not have. And that's an inherently strange thing to say, I know. On the one hand, I need all the readers I can get. But on the other, I must admit that sometimes I wish readers who find me distasteful (or whatever) would spend their time elsewise. But...I'm being vague, and I have something specific in mind. A couple or three weeks back, I was checking who's reading the blog (I do this via Joule, because it's often helpful to see who's interested in what's being said here). Anyway, I have acquired one reader who, on or about the day she "friended" me, wrote of my fiction:

Too dark (see above) – I don’t know if I ever should read her work again. I haven’t since I’ve become a Christian – no light and hardly any air is a bad intellectual and spiritual diet.

and

would be ambrosia if she would breathe and create from heaven’s breath – as is, pretty amazing, but inhaling her work was always being filled with such a dark and dank cloud, a bad humor.

I found it very odd that this individual (who I'm not naming, but who will surely recognise her words) would feel this way about my writing and yet "friend" me. I mean, isn't that just sort of odd? Anyway, I checked her journal again a couple of weeks later and found the following, which she wrote after having seen V for Vendetta:

I mean that as a writer. I don’t want to enshrine and glorify darkness, I want to focus and craft form for light, give people something to see through.

It was a film with a very political agenda. It was bloody and pathological, too, and it twisted and blurred goodness, and made sexual perversion morally equivalent to married, heterosexual love, which bugged me not because I don’t love people involved in those lifestyles, but because (I’ve been in them, and) it’s not so, and so it’s not fair to sell people a bright lie while you draw them deeper into bondage.

To which I must reply that it's one thing if you don't want to read what I write, if you cannot see that, almost always, I am writing about the light, if only from very dark places, but it's quite another thing to be a homophobic zealot using Xtianity as your shield. To put it bluntly, I really don't want this person, or anyone who would sympathize with the vile things this person has written, the bits I've quoted, reading my stories or novels or even this journal. Indeed, this upset me so badly I have considered making the journal "friends only." But that rather defeats the purpose, as this journal is not my private journal and is being written for my readers. I regret that LJ does not permit me to block LJ users from reading as well as from posting. Am I being unreasonable? I'm emphatically not saying that this person should be forbidden from publicly saying the things she's said, though I find them loathsome and hateful, striking at the very heart of who and what I am. I merely wish she did not read this journal. Frankly, it gives me the creeps, knowing that she's reviewing my thoughts and judging them by the narrow yardstick of her fundamentalist religious beliefs. It is my hope that she will read this and "unfriend" me at once. Of course, that doesn't mean she might not still be reading, but at least she will not be doing so disguised as a "friend." I feel that I only need tolerate intolerance just so far.

After all that, the details of yesterday seem somewhat overshadowed, so I'll make a shorter entry later in the day, an entry about writing and other geeky stuff. I will remind you, though, that only 1 day and 8 hours remain on the "choose your own letter" Frog Toes and Tentacles auction. And that this auction will remove yet another letter from those available. Bid, kiddos, bid. Thank you.

Comments

[wolven.livejournal.com]

I read you because of the dark, because of the "twisted." It's not evil, and only someone with a very misguided reading of the Christian or Jewish scriptural texts (which is unfortunately most) would perceive it that way.

There is a difference between dark and "evil." I think that difference shows through, rather well, in your work, and especially in things like "Threshold."

They're not evil. They just want, like everyone else, to be home, where they understand, and to not be fucked with.

Sorry for ending that sentence in a prepostion. Sorry for doing it again.

Writing about The Light from very dark places

[sclerotic-rings.livejournal.com]

Seeing as how you're in Atlanta, have you considered the hornet-control benefits of carnivorous plants? I'm dead serious here: a couple of Sarracenia pitcher plants on the office windowsill, and not only will you get stunning traps that everyone will mistake for blooms (I have a whole greenhouse full of them coming out of dormancy right now, and the traps generally look like lilies designed by Jackson Pollock), but they're irresistable to hornets and wasps. Around my home, I'm very friendly toward the wasps (they do a beautiful job at keeping the oak caterpillars and cicadas under control), but I'm perfectly happy to let the hornets feed my plants of their own free will.

[tactileson.livejournal.com]

Frankly, it gives me the creeps, knowing that she's reviewing my thoughts and judging them by the narrow yardstick of her fundamentalist religious beliefs.

It is unnerving, at least it would be if it were happening to me as well. I can't say I find it all that odd, however, as I've noticed time and again that people who lock themselves into these little rooms of belief with narrow parameters, often like to latch onto things they once liked or refuse to admit they like, and defend these things to themselves because it makes them feel as if they are, indeed, as holy as they so desperately wish to be (for whatever reason). That said, it is still creepy being the object of such infatuation.

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

That said, it is still creepy being the object of such infatuation.


Actually, it feels more like pity than infatuation, and I hate being pitied, especially by self-righteous religious zealots.

[shadowcircus.livejournal.com]

It just seems peculiar that somebody who has a problem with 'dark' subject matter would appear to actively seek it out... I mean, your books are kept in the horror section... That should be some kind of giveaway. And did anyone seeing the trailer for 'V for Vendetta' really think it was joing to be a jolly Disney film?

People are always going to throw around the accusation of 'evil' and it's not always exclusive to Christians... I was reading the forums for the Faerieworld's Festival... and there's a whole bunch of pagan kids complaining that they don't want Rasputina to perform at their event again because 'their music invokes evil'...

???

Unfortunately, you'll just drive yourself crazy trying to insulate your writing from such people... Even if you block her from your LJ, she can still pick up your books... Besides, there's always the possibility that attempts to block her out may send her into a Jesus-induced rage - 'She doesn't want 'X-stians' reading her work, because she knows that her writing is the work of the Devil! She can't stand that a Child of God may be judging her words! Can I heah an Amen my brothers and sistahs!"

So far she's been quiet and failed to actually make any comments directly to you... I certainly hope that doesn't change now because of your post...

[cucumberseed.livejournal.com]

pagan kids complaining that they don't want Rasputina to perform at their event again because 'their music invokes evil'

Seriously?

I've mostly found Rasputina to invoke dancing around like a maniac on my balance ball.

People are so very sensitive sometimes.

[scarletts-awry.livejournal.com]

I regret that LJ does not permit me to block LJ users from reading as well as from posting. Am I being unreasonable? I'm emphatically not saying that this person should be forbidden from publicly saying the things she's said, though I find them loathsome and hateful, striking at the very heart of who and what I am. I merely wish she did not read this journal.

There seems to be a destructive perversity in her logic for friending you. It sounds like she's too unsure of who/what she is that she needs to connect herself with what she thinks she's not. I don't think you're being terribly unreasonable.

*shrug* I think the real problem is the presumption behind the fuzzy, feel-good use of "friend," though I don't know what word it should be replaced with.

A very determined hornet tried for about an hour to get in through my office window yesterday.

*nod* A very determined yellow jacked tried to get out through my sunroom window yesterday. I have no idea how it got in. (ah, southern springtimes)

[cucumberseed.livejournal.com]

If someone lives in an oubliette with a grate that lets in sunshine, they still live in an oubliette, and are not the sort of person whose oppinions on light and (by inferred contrast to 'bondage') freedom I hold in high esteem.

[smu.livejournal.com]

People like that reader are absolutely batshit crazy. Once you throw religion into the mix, you get the weirdest bunch of people. Especially the Christians. They're one of the most hypocritical groups...

I have a roommate who is a devout Christian from Texas. Says she prays for my "godless heathen soul" because I'm an Atheist and acts so morally high and mighty around all us "lesser types" because we haven't found God. Yes, she is the sluttiest person I know. She has threesomes in bathrooms, drinks like a fish and goes through men like tissue paper, often cheating on them before dropping them like trash. And she thinks she's so godly. The hypocrisy drives me absolutely mad. Though her face turns an interesting shade of scarlet when I ask why she thinks she'll be able to wear a white dress when she marries.

Christians. Bleh. They think they both OWN the world and are being OPPRESSED by it. Where are some lions when you need them.

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

Where are some lions when you need them.

Almost extinct, alas.

[robyn-ma.livejournal.com]

I say you develop this new religious following with a webcomic, Godly McChristian: The Friendly, Likable Goth Created from Heaven's Breath. Vince Locke could draw it.

[chris-walsh.livejournal.com]

Or whoever drew New Bad Girl in Town!

[mellawyrden.livejournal.com]

I read your work because it is BEAUTIFUL.

Her statement that "no light and hardly any air" is bad for xtians...? Those things are why I felt the need to run away from xtianity from a very early age. It only demonstrates that stone-throwers are, by and large, only attacking out of fear, and that their world is a hall of mirrors.

[dsgood.livejournal.com]

I suggest keeping in mind the Pareto Principle. One form of which is:

Eighty percent of the profits come from twenty percent of the customers.

Eighty percent of the problems come from twenty percent of the customers.

It's not the same twenty percent, and there's damned little overlap.

[stardustgirl.livejournal.com]

...so it’s not fair to sell people a bright lie while you draw them deeper into bondage.

Funny, a lot of people could say that about Christianity, or many other religions for that matter. So... if I'm reading her entire statement correctly, she was in a same-sex realtionship and it turned out not to be for her? So therefore it must not be for anyone? And married, heterosexual relationships are more moral? Gimme a break. With the reference to "becoming" a Christian, it makes me think that she's going through that experimental phase of finding out who she is and what's working for her. In 10 years she'll likely look back at some of the things she wrote and cringe. Most everyone does.

Points for weirdness: I'm confused as to why she'd "friend" you as well. The condescending/pity angle of wishing you'd write "from heaven's breath" is an eye-roller. That ranks right up there with "You're so pretty... if only you'd lose a few pounds".

Points in her favor: she was talking in her own LJ and didn't troll over here in comments. She apparently buys your books, and even by mentioning them may make someone else curious about your works and entice them to buy.

Maybe you'll pick up some new readers by being on her friends list. If someone happens to read your entries via that method and thinks you sound interesting, you might gain new readers who don't share her point of view. What's the saying... "there's no such thing as bad publicity as long as they spell your name right?" Something like that.

[brienze.livejournal.com]

Tangential to this post, I'm wondering if you would like me to defriend you.

I came here a few years ago when Neil recommended you in his blog as a writer who actually talks about writing, not just publicity tours. I bought Low Red Moon at a Borders after you pointed out that it would be, not just nice, but fair, for the people who enjoy your free blog to contribute to your income and the sales stats for your paid work. It wasn't particularly my cup of tea, but at some point when you were ebaying $10 Silks, I bought that too. I bought the trade edition of Frog Toes & Tentacles, but I haven't subscribed to the digest. Basically I think of your blog like PBS... I try to "donate" whenever I haven't for awhile and I have some spare cash.

You've said that what matters most to you is that your books be understood and appreciated (pardon the ideological paraphrasing). I've kept reading because I'm a fan of you and your informal writing, not your fiction, so I'm pretty much not who you want in a reader. I've learned from your blog that your writing habits would never work out for me, but I've kept you on my friends list because I enjoy reading about your day, and your thoughts on politics and religion and video games and movies, and as a reminder that being a professional writer is as much or more work than becoming a professional writer. With as much as you share with us in your blog, I really wish you'd reconsider thinking that only on your books are important... imho this place is as much a part of your legacy and making your mark on the world as they are. But I'm pretty sure that's not what you want to hear, so I'll bow out if that would make you more comfortable.

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

I've kept reading because I'm a fan of you and your informal writing, not your fiction, so I'm pretty much not who you want in a reader. I've learned from your blog that your writing habits would never work out for me, but I've kept you on my friends list because I enjoy reading about your day, and your thoughts on politics and religion and video games and movies, and as a reminder that being a professional writer is as much or more work than becoming a professional writer.

Actually, I've kind of mellowed on this over the last couple of years, the whole "buy my books if you're reading the blog for free" thing I used to go on about. I say if you're enjoying the blog, then, hey, it's good to have you here. Yeah, it'd be nice if everyone who likes what I write here also loved all my fiction, but there you go. I'm reminded of a friend of mine who loves Harlan Ellison's commentary but not his fiction. I say stay as long as you're enjoying it.

[wishlish.livejournal.com]

"You can pick your fruit, your friends, your brain, and your nose, but you can't pick your audience."

[docbrite.livejournal.com]

As far as I'm concerned, people like that are not "Christians." They ignore the entire New Testament, do not understand or practice their own religion, and should more properly be called "Paulists."

[cucumberseed.livejournal.com]

more properly be called "Paulists."

That's a good term, though I'm not sure they get either of the good bits out of Paul (if I think very hard about what I learned when I was a Lutheran, I might even remember what those points were...)

The bit that confuses me about the megachurch folk is that, in a country where we're obsessed with having all the other parts of our life both ways, they seem to choose to have their faith neither way.

They believe that their personal relationship with their God is of paramount importance, which, in a lot of cases, lets them off the hook to be awful people to the rest of us, but then they fear, hate and distrust any portion of mysticism (and Christianity, when well practiced, can have one of the richest mystical traditions in the west). They miss out on being good folks in favor of the spiritual experiences that they're probably not going to allow themselves to have.

[seph-ski.livejournal.com]

I'd like to see the folks at LJ rename the whole "friends" list and call it a "subscriber" list, or even "readers". There are emotions involved in naming things "friend", emotions that often don't make sense in the context of LJ, especially when someone can "friend" you without establishing a mutual relationship of some sort. I see a lot of angst from people who have been friended by a questionable stranger as well as people who have been unfriended by someone likable they've shared real life experiences with, drama that wouldn't feel half as pinchy if it was just a matter of subscribers shuffling around.

Anyhow, I try to think of my friends list more as a subscriber list, and it doesn't bother me so much when someone who might love to chat with me in real life gets bored with my daily drivel and quits reading my journal. It also makes it less personal when someone I don't particularly care for hangs on and keeps me friended, even when I don't friend them in return. I remind myself that they're just readers of my public journal, and not really moving in and out of my closest circle of association via LJ functions.

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

I'd like to see the folks at LJ rename the whole "friends" list and call it a "subscriber" list

Agreed. 100%. I hate the false chuminess that too often shows up online.

Audience/Customers

[creativefool.livejournal.com]

As a small business owner I have struggled with this concept many times. You need the income, but people have, to me what would be ignorant views and I don't want to support them. But it is like government policies if you know what is going on you just get upset and are left rather helpless no matter how much you want to change the world. Even though I keep trying! So after 8 years of running my business I find there is a fine line that I walk of what I can tolerate and what I can't. Sometimes I feel a fool that I bend my views for income, but what can you do??

[z0mb1e.livejournal.com]

I don't mean to clutter up your inbox with more of the same, but I think you've handled this in a very, very tactful way. I could be saying that because, ideologically speaking, I agree with you. I also find this sort of attitude truly repuslive. I just genuinely don't understand how people who constantly declare themselves on the side of "Good," particularly spiritual good, can be so hateful, ignorant, and selfish/self-important. I don't believe in the figure of Jesus as a religious being, but if he was around, I'm sure he would have to open up a can of whoop-ass.

Part of what is so enraging about the whole thing is that you aren't someone who proselytizes or even talks very openly about their private life.

And honestly, what the fuck is it about conservatives, particularly Christian conservatives? Why don't they get it?

I, for one, will keep reading your blog and fiction despite the chance of corruption from your dark, dark soul.

[rozk.livejournal.com]

Well, there is one small grain of consolation in all of this, which is that perhaps, just perhaps, she is not nearly as secure in her silly beliefs as she claims. If she were as secure as all that, she would either not be reading you at all, or not be affected by you. There is a line somewhere in Bunyan about there being a path to Hell even from the gates of Heaven, which I prefer to see as saying that even people who have totally debauched their minds with fake religion have the chance to draw back into sanity. And writers do affect people.

I know you probably don't relish being a missionary for sane values or even being glommed onto by crazies who want someone else to blame for the fact that they are not nearly as happy as all that with the belief system they claim to be blissed out by. I fear, though, that you may be her way out.

What she says comes across as so creepy and disturbed that I cannot believe she is as certain in her positions as she claims. And she needs not to be, for the sake of her sanity.

It is not, after all, as if you were having to do anything or be her therapist. Just by existing you rebuke her pathetic puritanical certainties and that is surely a good thing.

When I think of the writers who saved me from certainties and priggishness and how I would have bored their ears off if we had had LJ back in the day, I blush.

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

When I think of the writers who saved me from certainties and priggishness and how I would have bored their ears off if we had had LJ back in the day, I blush.

Oh, gods. Yes. How I would have burbled...

a thought on "friends"

[mockingbirdgrrl.livejournal.com]

i've long been suspicious of the term "friend" here on LJ, and as a generally antisocial misanthrope, i use the term with much reserve in "real" life as well. hence the existence of only four "friends" on my LJ--these are people i actually know, have spent time with in person, etc. i've been reading your LJ for almost two years now, the fiction for much longer than that, but i've never presumed to "friend" you on the basis that we've never been in the same building together, let alone had a face to face encounter. the point in all that being if you do, at some point, driven nutzen by the xians, decide to make this a friends only journal, please give warning so that us "friendlies" can keep reading!

and, for no apparent reason, this whole discussion has reminded me of an instance of my own intolerance to intolerance. back in my old life, in pre-k new orleans, i managed a well-established art gallery on decatur street. one day, the sister of an artist whose work we carried came in, asking if we would distribute her prints as well. they were the usual french quarter scenes, but rendered in an airier, lighter style than most of what we carried. i was considering her work when she made the comment that we were the only gallery she would sell to because, and i quote, we weren't "owned by a bunch of pakis or chinks." assuming that i, for some reason, shared her prejudices, she proceeded to rant for a good five or ten minutes about what a shame it was that so many foreigners were allowed to own businesses and how she longed for the days when only good, god-fearing white folks could have a shop in the quarter. i listened to all of this, then calmly told her that i'd be more than happy to carry her work, and just to make sure that everything was kosher, i'd be certain to SELL her artwork only to white people.
suffice to say, she got a little red in the face, snatched up her portfolio and stormed out of the shop.
*snicker*
oops.

no blame from this corner

[daves-goddess.livejournal.com]

After reading the comments made by your alleged "friend", I really don't blame you for considering making your journal friends only. However, if you do, please friend me. I have enjoyed reading your journal as much as I have enjoyed reading all of your writing. And not to sound paranoid or anything, but is "friend" trying to convert people with her ramblings? I have news about for her, there is nothing "light and beautiful" about a religion that seeks to oppress.

[mb2u]

As someone who's read your work for years, followed the trail from usenet to here, I have respected you. If there is a darkness in your life, in your work, it's balanced by honesty, love and compassion. I do not see an "evil" person, but one who has had a life lived hard in some ways.

Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how I feel. And if someone finds themselves unable to accept you for who you are, well, that's sad.

[setsuled.livejournal.com]

(I do this via Joule, because it's often helpful to see who's interested in what's being said here)

That's an interesting device. I'm not sure it's completely accurate, though--I don't think so many people friended me on April 28, 2005.

Or maybe they did, hmm...My goodness, what an auspicious day for me...

but it's quite another thing to be a homophobic zealot using Xtianity as your shield.

It's been quite a while since someone like that has stuck their nose in my business. It never had the same effect on me as it's had on you, though; however arrogant they are, their arrogance never seems to approach mine, so I have trouble taking them seriously, and in fact am greatly amused by them. To the point of playing games with them I probably oughtn't to be very proud of.

But like I said, it's been a while, so I've probably matured since then...probably...

Am I being unreasonable?

No, I think it's a side effect of your basic regard for the sentient mind. No matter what a blithering fool she is, you can't regard her as the equivalent of a video game villain.

I hope you can digest the existence of such a person--to continue to care about the basic, intelligent mind, while still not caring about the manifestly stupid thoughts it produces. But I've caught myself reflexively clinging to the "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" idea, and I'm not altogether sure it's helpful...Maybe you ought to dismiss her as a bot or something.

[westlinwind.livejournal.com]

My first experience of you was at a reading during Fiddler's Green. I had never read any of your work, including the Sandman-related material. But I am glad I went; it was a wonderful reading, and I found myself caught up in the way you brought your characters to life. It struck me as terribly beautiful how you were able to touch the "light" in the darkest places imaginable. I "friended" your blog soon after. It has been very interesting to read this account of your writing process and how it weaves its way through your daily life.

I subscribe to Sirenia Digest, which I have thoroughly enjoyed....so much so that I pre-ordered Alabaster from Sub Press. When it arrives, it will be the first of your books I will have read. Had this been a locked, friends-only journal, I never would have been prompted to read either Sirenia Digest or any of your books.

Once you let your characters out of that place where they tug at your brain, to exist in the larger world, it can be very hard to step back and let them go, especially when people feel free to judge you based on the stories of those characters. But they mean to get out, inna? So just trust that you have done them justice by telling their stories with your unique and powerful voice, and that each story will impact each reader differently.

You canna hide from the bullshit and intolerance that exist in this world, unfortunately. But I hope you realize that, "dark" as it may be, you canna hide your light, either. It would be a great loss to many people.

Egads..

[chaoticvenus.livejournal.com]

"Too dark (see above) – I don’t know if I ever should read her work again. I haven’t since I’ve become a Christian – no light and hardly any air is a bad intellectual and spiritual diet."
I read the posts backwards sometimes , so now I see how this started. Perhaps she is reading into your writing, it seeming she has gone to the wrong place to facilitate her new found Christain identity. What will she do when she reads the Old Testement?
Stay true to yourself Cait and don't let the bastards or confused,get you down. Her views have changed as she has someting in herself that she needs working on. Keyword: herself.Not you. If you somehow, in a very odd route, helped her toward her personal enlightment, more power to you for helping someone find themselves. She may not have found her path through your writing but, she has because of it.

I am religious too, but not in a "traditional" way. While I hope that people can except both the yin & the yang, they may need more time ie: have to repeat a grade aka lifetime.