You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your enemies, or, it would seem, your audience.

[greygirlbeast]

Rain came in at some point last night. I awoke at eight or so and lay listening to the downpour. As I type this, the sun is coming through the clouds, glinting off the water on the new leaves. I feel sort of giddy, sort of absurdly relieved at this particular spring, as though some part of me truly thought it would never come. The world's awake again. The trees are green, flowers are everywhere, as are bees (both bumble and honey). And red wasps. And yellow jackets. And hornets. A very determined hornet tried for about an hour to get in through my office window yesterday.

I sort of hate to come back after three days away from LJ/Blogger and cause a ruckus right off the bat, or right out of the gate, or whatever, but something's been bothering me for some time now. I resolved yesterday to deal with it, as tactfully as possible (which probably won't be very). It concerns a question which I've raised here before, in passing, regarding, well, realizing that one has readers that one would just as soon not have. And that's an inherently strange thing to say, I know. On the one hand, I need all the readers I can get. But on the other, I must admit that sometimes I wish readers who find me distasteful (or whatever) would spend their time elsewise. But...I'm being vague, and I have something specific in mind. A couple or three weeks back, I was checking who's reading the blog (I do this via Joule, because it's often helpful to see who's interested in what's being said here). Anyway, I have acquired one reader who, on or about the day she "friended" me, wrote of my fiction:

Too dark (see above) – I don’t know if I ever should read her work again. I haven’t since I’ve become a Christian – no light and hardly any air is a bad intellectual and spiritual diet.

and

would be ambrosia if she would breathe and create from heaven’s breath – as is, pretty amazing, but inhaling her work was always being filled with such a dark and dank cloud, a bad humor.

I found it very odd that this individual (who I'm not naming, but who will surely recognise her words) would feel this way about my writing and yet "friend" me. I mean, isn't that just sort of odd? Anyway, I checked her journal again a couple of weeks later and found the following, which she wrote after having seen V for Vendetta:

I mean that as a writer. I don’t want to enshrine and glorify darkness, I want to focus and craft form for light, give people something to see through.

It was a film with a very political agenda. It was bloody and pathological, too, and it twisted and blurred goodness, and made sexual perversion morally equivalent to married, heterosexual love, which bugged me not because I don’t love people involved in those lifestyles, but because (I’ve been in them, and) it’s not so, and so it’s not fair to sell people a bright lie while you draw them deeper into bondage.

To which I must reply that it's one thing if you don't want to read what I write, if you cannot see that, almost always, I am writing about the light, if only from very dark places, but it's quite another thing to be a homophobic zealot using Xtianity as your shield. To put it bluntly, I really don't want this person, or anyone who would sympathize with the vile things this person has written, the bits I've quoted, reading my stories or novels or even this journal. Indeed, this upset me so badly I have considered making the journal "friends only." But that rather defeats the purpose, as this journal is not my private journal and is being written for my readers. I regret that LJ does not permit me to block LJ users from reading as well as from posting. Am I being unreasonable? I'm emphatically not saying that this person should be forbidden from publicly saying the things she's said, though I find them loathsome and hateful, striking at the very heart of who and what I am. I merely wish she did not read this journal. Frankly, it gives me the creeps, knowing that she's reviewing my thoughts and judging them by the narrow yardstick of her fundamentalist religious beliefs. It is my hope that she will read this and "unfriend" me at once. Of course, that doesn't mean she might not still be reading, but at least she will not be doing so disguised as a "friend." I feel that I only need tolerate intolerance just so far.

After all that, the details of yesterday seem somewhat overshadowed, so I'll make a shorter entry later in the day, an entry about writing and other geeky stuff. I will remind you, though, that only 1 day and 8 hours remain on the "choose your own letter" Frog Toes and Tentacles auction. And that this auction will remove yet another letter from those available. Bid, kiddos, bid. Thank you.

Comments

[wolven.livejournal.com]

I read you because of the dark, because of the "twisted." It's not evil, and only someone with a very misguided reading of the Christian or Jewish scriptural texts (which is unfortunately most) would perceive it that way.

There is a difference between dark and "evil." I think that difference shows through, rather well, in your work, and especially in things like "Threshold."

They're not evil. They just want, like everyone else, to be home, where they understand, and to not be fucked with.

Sorry for ending that sentence in a prepostion. Sorry for doing it again.

Writing about The Light from very dark places

[sclerotic-rings.livejournal.com]

Seeing as how you're in Atlanta, have you considered the hornet-control benefits of carnivorous plants? I'm dead serious here: a couple of Sarracenia pitcher plants on the office windowsill, and not only will you get stunning traps that everyone will mistake for blooms (I have a whole greenhouse full of them coming out of dormancy right now, and the traps generally look like lilies designed by Jackson Pollock), but they're irresistable to hornets and wasps. Around my home, I'm very friendly toward the wasps (they do a beautiful job at keeping the oak caterpillars and cicadas under control), but I'm perfectly happy to let the hornets feed my plants of their own free will.

[tactileson.livejournal.com]

Frankly, it gives me the creeps, knowing that she's reviewing my thoughts and judging them by the narrow yardstick of her fundamentalist religious beliefs.

It is unnerving, at least it would be if it were happening to me as well. I can't say I find it all that odd, however, as I've noticed time and again that people who lock themselves into these little rooms of belief with narrow parameters, often like to latch onto things they once liked or refuse to admit they like, and defend these things to themselves because it makes them feel as if they are, indeed, as holy as they so desperately wish to be (for whatever reason). That said, it is still creepy being the object of such infatuation.

[shadowcircus.livejournal.com]

It just seems peculiar that somebody who has a problem with 'dark' subject matter would appear to actively seek it out... I mean, your books are kept in the horror section... That should be some kind of giveaway. And did anyone seeing the trailer for 'V for Vendetta' really think it was joing to be a jolly Disney film?

People are always going to throw around the accusation of 'evil' and it's not always exclusive to Christians... I was reading the forums for the Faerieworld's Festival... and there's a whole bunch of pagan kids complaining that they don't want Rasputina to perform at their event again because 'their music invokes evil'...

???

Unfortunately, you'll just drive yourself crazy trying to insulate your writing from such people... Even if you block her from your LJ, she can still pick up your books... Besides, there's always the possibility that attempts to block her out may send her into a Jesus-induced rage - 'She doesn't want 'X-stians' reading her work, because she knows that her writing is the work of the Devil! She can't stand that a Child of God may be judging her words! Can I heah an Amen my brothers and sistahs!"

So far she's been quiet and failed to actually make any comments directly to you... I certainly hope that doesn't change now because of your post...

[scarletts-awry.livejournal.com]

I regret that LJ does not permit me to block LJ users from reading as well as from posting. Am I being unreasonable? I'm emphatically not saying that this person should be forbidden from publicly saying the things she's said, though I find them loathsome and hateful, striking at the very heart of who and what I am. I merely wish she did not read this journal.

There seems to be a destructive perversity in her logic for friending you. It sounds like she's too unsure of who/what she is that she needs to connect herself with what she thinks she's not. I don't think you're being terribly unreasonable.

*shrug* I think the real problem is the presumption behind the fuzzy, feel-good use of "friend," though I don't know what word it should be replaced with.

A very determined hornet tried for about an hour to get in through my office window yesterday.

*nod* A very determined yellow jacked tried to get out through my sunroom window yesterday. I have no idea how it got in. (ah, southern springtimes)

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

That said, it is still creepy being the object of such infatuation.


Actually, it feels more like pity than infatuation, and I hate being pitied, especially by self-righteous religious zealots.

[cucumberseed.livejournal.com]

pagan kids complaining that they don't want Rasputina to perform at their event again because 'their music invokes evil'

Seriously?

I've mostly found Rasputina to invoke dancing around like a maniac on my balance ball.

People are so very sensitive sometimes.

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

and there's a whole bunch of pagan kids complaining that they don't want Rasputina to perform at their event again because 'their music invokes evil'...

You've got to be frelling kidding! I mean...oh, never mind. Spooky and I are really wanting to make the festival, by the way, if not this year, then next.

So far she's been quiet and failed to actually make any comments directly to you... I certainly hope that doesn't change now because of your post...

Me, too.

[xterminal.livejournal.com]

Actually, it feels more like pity than infatuation,

If it's pity, the actions tell me it goes hand in hand with fascination-- she loathes "evil" the same way Jesse Helms loathes kiddie porn (which you know he's got a fat stack of behind the bathroom wall, eh?).

Strikes me as a prodigal who will eventually come back to the fold.

[cucumberseed.livejournal.com]

If someone lives in an oubliette with a grate that lets in sunshine, they still live in an oubliette, and are not the sort of person whose oppinions on light and (by inferred contrast to 'bondage') freedom I hold in high esteem.

[smu.livejournal.com]

People like that reader are absolutely batshit crazy. Once you throw religion into the mix, you get the weirdest bunch of people. Especially the Christians. They're one of the most hypocritical groups...

I have a roommate who is a devout Christian from Texas. Says she prays for my "godless heathen soul" because I'm an Atheist and acts so morally high and mighty around all us "lesser types" because we haven't found God. Yes, she is the sluttiest person I know. She has threesomes in bathrooms, drinks like a fish and goes through men like tissue paper, often cheating on them before dropping them like trash. And she thinks she's so godly. The hypocrisy drives me absolutely mad. Though her face turns an interesting shade of scarlet when I ask why she thinks she'll be able to wear a white dress when she marries.

Christians. Bleh. They think they both OWN the world and are being OPPRESSED by it. Where are some lions when you need them.

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

Where are some lions when you need them.

Almost extinct, alas.

[shadowcircus.livejournal.com]

No kidding! What was it that they found so steeped in dark magic - when Melora told her funny stories or when they broke into their cover of 'Baby Got Back'?

[shadowcircus.livejournal.com]

"Spooky and I are really wanting to make the festival, by the way, if not this year, then next."

My puppetry troupe performed at the last one... I scoured the forums to see if there was any mention of us being evil (we spent most of the show having the Spirit of the Trees puppet talk shit about hippies) but I regret to say that more people were probably confused than horrified.

[robyn-ma.livejournal.com]

I say you develop this new religious following with a webcomic, Godly McChristian: The Friendly, Likable Goth Created from Heaven's Breath. Vince Locke could draw it.

[cucumberseed.livejournal.com]

I have my suspicions...

[mellawyrden.livejournal.com]

I read your work because it is BEAUTIFUL.

Her statement that "no light and hardly any air" is bad for xtians...? Those things are why I felt the need to run away from xtianity from a very early age. It only demonstrates that stone-throwers are, by and large, only attacking out of fear, and that their world is a hall of mirrors.

[dsgood.livejournal.com]

I suggest keeping in mind the Pareto Principle. One form of which is:

Eighty percent of the profits come from twenty percent of the customers.

Eighty percent of the problems come from twenty percent of the customers.

It's not the same twenty percent, and there's damned little overlap.

[stardustgirl.livejournal.com]

...so it’s not fair to sell people a bright lie while you draw them deeper into bondage.

Funny, a lot of people could say that about Christianity, or many other religions for that matter. So... if I'm reading her entire statement correctly, she was in a same-sex realtionship and it turned out not to be for her? So therefore it must not be for anyone? And married, heterosexual relationships are more moral? Gimme a break. With the reference to "becoming" a Christian, it makes me think that she's going through that experimental phase of finding out who she is and what's working for her. In 10 years she'll likely look back at some of the things she wrote and cringe. Most everyone does.

Points for weirdness: I'm confused as to why she'd "friend" you as well. The condescending/pity angle of wishing you'd write "from heaven's breath" is an eye-roller. That ranks right up there with "You're so pretty... if only you'd lose a few pounds".

Points in her favor: she was talking in her own LJ and didn't troll over here in comments. She apparently buys your books, and even by mentioning them may make someone else curious about your works and entice them to buy.

Maybe you'll pick up some new readers by being on her friends list. If someone happens to read your entries via that method and thinks you sound interesting, you might gain new readers who don't share her point of view. What's the saying... "there's no such thing as bad publicity as long as they spell your name right?" Something like that.

[brienze.livejournal.com]

Tangential to this post, I'm wondering if you would like me to defriend you.

I came here a few years ago when Neil recommended you in his blog as a writer who actually talks about writing, not just publicity tours. I bought Low Red Moon at a Borders after you pointed out that it would be, not just nice, but fair, for the people who enjoy your free blog to contribute to your income and the sales stats for your paid work. It wasn't particularly my cup of tea, but at some point when you were ebaying $10 Silks, I bought that too. I bought the trade edition of Frog Toes & Tentacles, but I haven't subscribed to the digest. Basically I think of your blog like PBS... I try to "donate" whenever I haven't for awhile and I have some spare cash.

You've said that what matters most to you is that your books be understood and appreciated (pardon the ideological paraphrasing). I've kept reading because I'm a fan of you and your informal writing, not your fiction, so I'm pretty much not who you want in a reader. I've learned from your blog that your writing habits would never work out for me, but I've kept you on my friends list because I enjoy reading about your day, and your thoughts on politics and religion and video games and movies, and as a reminder that being a professional writer is as much or more work than becoming a professional writer. With as much as you share with us in your blog, I really wish you'd reconsider thinking that only on your books are important... imho this place is as much a part of your legacy and making your mark on the world as they are. But I'm pretty sure that's not what you want to hear, so I'll bow out if that would make you more comfortable.

[greygirlbeast.livejournal.com]

I've kept reading because I'm a fan of you and your informal writing, not your fiction, so I'm pretty much not who you want in a reader. I've learned from your blog that your writing habits would never work out for me, but I've kept you on my friends list because I enjoy reading about your day, and your thoughts on politics and religion and video games and movies, and as a reminder that being a professional writer is as much or more work than becoming a professional writer.

Actually, I've kind of mellowed on this over the last couple of years, the whole "buy my books if you're reading the blog for free" thing I used to go on about. I say if you're enjoying the blog, then, hey, it's good to have you here. Yeah, it'd be nice if everyone who likes what I write here also loved all my fiction, but there you go. I'm reminded of a friend of mine who loves Harlan Ellison's commentary but not his fiction. I say stay as long as you're enjoying it.

[wishlish.livejournal.com]

"You can pick your fruit, your friends, your brain, and your nose, but you can't pick your audience."

[brienze.livejournal.com]

Thank you. =) And thanks also for hearing the spirit in which this was written; I meant no offense.

[docbrite.livejournal.com]

As far as I'm concerned, people like that are not "Christians." They ignore the entire New Testament, do not understand or practice their own religion, and should more properly be called "Paulists."

[seph-ski.livejournal.com]

I'd like to see the folks at LJ rename the whole "friends" list and call it a "subscriber" list, or even "readers". There are emotions involved in naming things "friend", emotions that often don't make sense in the context of LJ, especially when someone can "friend" you without establishing a mutual relationship of some sort. I see a lot of angst from people who have been friended by a questionable stranger as well as people who have been unfriended by someone likable they've shared real life experiences with, drama that wouldn't feel half as pinchy if it was just a matter of subscribers shuffling around.

Anyhow, I try to think of my friends list more as a subscriber list, and it doesn't bother me so much when someone who might love to chat with me in real life gets bored with my daily drivel and quits reading my journal. It also makes it less personal when someone I don't particularly care for hangs on and keeps me friended, even when I don't friend them in return. I remind myself that they're just readers of my public journal, and not really moving in and out of my closest circle of association via LJ functions.