greygirlbeast: (Bowie1)
I think this entry shall have need of partitions...

---

Yesterday was the worst sort of writing day. First I sat and stared at the iBook's screen and keyboard for two hours, trying to find the place where The Dinosuars of Mars begins. Then — haltingly, tentatively — I wrote for another three hours. In the end, I had 575 words, none of which may prove to be usable.

Later in the day, I ended up back at the Woodruff Library at Emory, looking for answers I'd thought I already had. And that was work yesterday.

For dinner, Spooky made a very excellent pizza, and we finished off the bottle of serviceable merlot. We watch Cannery Row (1982) on VHS, a copy rented from Movies Worth Seeing because Spooky had never seen it. But the tape was in awful shape, the picture quality extremely poor, and pan and scan besides. Someday, I hope to see the film on DVD. It's a darling romp of a movie and moderately true to Steinbeck, even if David Ward found it necessary to burden the story with his baseball obsession. Back in 1982, Ward was still trying to get someone to bankroll Major League (1988), and I suppose his preoccupation with that project was allowed to creep into his Cannery Row script. Most of the rest of the evening was spent reading, first one book and then another.

---

So, yes, Oprah Winfrey has chosen The Road for her book club thing. And, somehow, she's finagled an interview with Cormac McCarthy. She has even deigned to say of the novel that "it's fascinating." How utterly fucking insipid. I suppose — to put on my Lemony Snicket hat for a moment — fascinating is a word which here means almost unutterably horrific, brutal, and uncompromisingly bleak, an ode to the end of humanity. I admit I am disappointed that McCarthy accepted her invitation for an interview, but what the hell. I expect his agent and publisher would have had massive fucking coronaries and dropped dead if he'd done otherwise. I must accept that I live in a world where Oprah Winfrey is the ultimate arbiter of what one should read.

---

I've been meaning to write more here about Children of Men. I think it's going to be with me for a very long time, that film, as well it ought. More than anything, and like The Road before it, Children of Men stoked my conviction that we are indeed living at the end of the Golden Age of Mankind, or at least the end of this particular human civilization. That almost everything we take for granted today may, only a couple of decades farther along, seem entirely remarkable, that our most mundane artefacts and toys will stand as incredible examples of luxury and excess. That all of this will pass away, and the "simplest" bits of our day-to-day lives will become miracles of a half-remembered past. A past which will be responsible for that future-present misery. It is difficult to force myself through the trivial routine of my days when these thoughts are front and center. It is difficult to see beyond the veil they draw up about me and difficult to push it all aside long enough to write my silly little stories.

Postscript (1:27 p.m.): If, in 2027, I can look back at that last paragraph and be completely appalled and embarrassed at how completely wrong I was, because everything turned out just fine and fucking dandy, well, then I can die a happy woman.
greygirlbeast: (cullom)
I'm so not awake yet. Perhaps, by the time I finish this entry, I shall be awake. There's warm sunlight pouring in through the office window, and I think that's helping. We have clouds heading in later this afternoon, so I wanted to see the sun while I can. This is the first office I've had that I haven't made into a "black box." Or, rather, I did, but then I uncovered one of the windows last year. Or the year before. I don't know. I'm not yet awake enough to access memories that far back. The garbage truck is making a terrible racket outside. Only six hours sleep last night, and I have Mr. Hubero to blame for that. These days, I seem to need seven hours.

Yesterday was an entirely frustrating sort of day. There were errands to run, and for some reason I cannot now recall, I determined that I should go along. The bank, the post office, the market, etc. & etc., all of which seriously cut into time that should have been spent on Silk. Still, we managed to get through chapters Five ("Robin") and Six ("Keith"). So, this ayem, the Zokutou page meter looks like this:

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
143 / 354
(40.4%)


In many ways it's not easy, reading a book written by the me of 1993-1996. But I think the thing that's annoying me the most is simply that I wrote Silk in past tense, which I suppose is the default fiction tense. Only the dream/hallucination sequences are present tense. So, all the flashbacks are past perfect, and I absolutely loathe past-perfect tense. It's one of the main reasons I started writing everything in present tense, to avoid past perfect and all those goddamn clunky uses of had. I remember sometime in 1997 or 1998, a phone conversation with Neil, and I told him that my one major regret about Silk was that I'd written it in past tense. He said something like, "Well, you can write the next novel in present tense." And I did. And I have written every novel (and almost everything else) thereafter in present tense. I have never understood the reliance on past tense by novelists. I find it counter-intuitive. This may be because I view most fiction as something happening now, in the moment it's being read, not a recollection written down. More like a movie. Movies occur, usually, in present tense (though the tense is rarely made explicit). You see things as they happen. I want you to read the things I write as they happen. I want the books to have that immediacy. But, yes, Silk is past tense, and the past perfect is driving me to distraction.

Somewhere after the errands, but before the reading of Chapter Six, we walked through L5P and up and down Sinclair Avenue. The dogwoods are just now blooming. The tulip poplars bloomed about a week back, I think. And all the green in the trees comes as a great relief.

I have decided to take Nebari.net offline next month, so if you want to have a good last look around the place, you should do it soon. The truth is, it's been sitting there neglected for over a year now. "The Girl Who Sold the World" fic seems to have stalled for good, and...I don't know. I just keep not getting back to work on the site. Meanwhile, I'm paying $240 a year to keep it stagnant. I have resolved to keep the domain squatted, in case I should ever want to get back to it, and the costuming page will go up somewhere on my redesigned website (the writing one). My thanks to everyone who has helped out with Nebari.net since it first went online in September '02. I'll be sad to see it go, but sometimes we do finally, reluctantly have to move along.

Last night...what happened last night? Ah, yeah. We read more Cannery Row, chapters XII through XX, and I wrote a Wikipedia entry for Dallasaurus while Spooky worked on a new doll. I think I started on the Dallasaurus entry @ 9 p.m. and finished up @ 11:15 p.m. Also, I read the type description of the marine varanoid lizard Judeasaurus tchernovi and had a hot bath and caught Hubero wearing one of my bras. I have no problem with having a cross-dressing cat, but he's gonna have to get his own damn frilly underthings.

Right. I need breakfast and coffee, ibuprofen and 300 mg. of thiamin. Then it's back to Silk...

I am still not awake.

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Caitlín R. Kiernan

February 2012

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