Close your eyes and type.
Apr. 25th, 2011 02:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greygirlbeastMonsieur Insomnie, va niquer ta mère. S'il vous plaît. Merci.
-- Tante Bête
It was full fucking daylight before I found sleep. Maybe 7 a.m. The specifics are a little hazy.
Yesterday, it was too warm to stay inside. It was too warm and I was too filled with anger, and so we left the house. We drove. The temperature was in the low seventies Fahrenheit, and the sun was bright. In Providence, the trees are bright with sprays of green and yellow and pink and white. The grass is going green. We drove about College Hill and the Eastside (not to be confused with East Providence, sensu stricto). And then we drove south. I think we meant, originally, to stop when we got to Wickford, but we kept going, all the way south to Narragansett and Point Judith. Driving through South County, the trees (native hardwoods) are still mostly barren. It still looks a lot like winter down there. Ugly and grey and bleak.
But we reached the sea. And maybe it was warm back in Providence, but at Point Judith, it was just shy of freezing. The surf was rough, and there were about half a dozen surfers making the best of it. We also visited Harbor of Refuge, where we fed cheese crackers to several species of seagulls. We saw other birds near the sea and the salt marshes: cormorants, swans, mallards, robins, Canadian geese, and what was probably a raven. The sea was loud and violent, rising and shattering itself against the granite jetty. And the roar and the violence were much appreciated. I dozed most of the way back to Providence, and when I woke, whatever bit of soothing the sea had accomplished was gone, and there was only the anger again.
Oh, we did have the cameras with us. But I aggressively resisted any urge to take pictures. There's too much sharing as it is.
Last night, I needed comfort movies, so we watched Fight Club (1999) and then Death Proof (2007). Marla Singer and Zoe Bell always help, even if only just a little bit. We played Rift. Selwyn reached Level 31. And then...I didn't sleep. Which brings us full circle, as we say.
I should go. There's work to do, and I'm 1/10th awake, so maybe I'll do some of it. Comment if you wish, and I'll probably reply. I'm going to sit here, finish my tepid coffee, listen to Brown Bird, and bask in the chilly air coming in my open office window.
-- Tante Bête
It was full fucking daylight before I found sleep. Maybe 7 a.m. The specifics are a little hazy.
Yesterday, it was too warm to stay inside. It was too warm and I was too filled with anger, and so we left the house. We drove. The temperature was in the low seventies Fahrenheit, and the sun was bright. In Providence, the trees are bright with sprays of green and yellow and pink and white. The grass is going green. We drove about College Hill and the Eastside (not to be confused with East Providence, sensu stricto). And then we drove south. I think we meant, originally, to stop when we got to Wickford, but we kept going, all the way south to Narragansett and Point Judith. Driving through South County, the trees (native hardwoods) are still mostly barren. It still looks a lot like winter down there. Ugly and grey and bleak.
But we reached the sea. And maybe it was warm back in Providence, but at Point Judith, it was just shy of freezing. The surf was rough, and there were about half a dozen surfers making the best of it. We also visited Harbor of Refuge, where we fed cheese crackers to several species of seagulls. We saw other birds near the sea and the salt marshes: cormorants, swans, mallards, robins, Canadian geese, and what was probably a raven. The sea was loud and violent, rising and shattering itself against the granite jetty. And the roar and the violence were much appreciated. I dozed most of the way back to Providence, and when I woke, whatever bit of soothing the sea had accomplished was gone, and there was only the anger again.
Oh, we did have the cameras with us. But I aggressively resisted any urge to take pictures. There's too much sharing as it is.
Last night, I needed comfort movies, so we watched Fight Club (1999) and then Death Proof (2007). Marla Singer and Zoe Bell always help, even if only just a little bit. We played Rift. Selwyn reached Level 31. And then...I didn't sleep. Which brings us full circle, as we say.
I should go. There's work to do, and I'm 1/10th awake, so maybe I'll do some of it. Comment if you wish, and I'll probably reply. I'm going to sit here, finish my tepid coffee, listen to Brown Bird, and bask in the chilly air coming in my open office window.
Tags:
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-04-25 06:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-25 07:09 pm (UTC)It is such a hollow, lonely sort of feeling.
Well said.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-25 07:42 pm (UTC)I wish the sea was big enough to contain your anger.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-25 08:45 pm (UTC)I wish the sea was big enough to contain your anger.
It's big enough a million times over. But I'd have had to drown.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-25 08:09 pm (UTC)I haven't visited the sea or the forest or anything in ages. This must be remedied.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-25 08:46 pm (UTC)I haven't visited the sea or the forest or anything in ages.
I can hardly even imagine.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-25 08:11 pm (UTC)May the words come easily today.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-25 08:46 pm (UTC)It's no way to spend a day, roiling in anger.
Yet I spend so many of them just that way.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-26 03:43 am (UTC)I went through a long bout of insomnia when younger. Not much more to say than it sucks.
Pity you don't suffer from lichenthropy. Then you'd spend at least a few nights a month getting a rest, albeit frilly, grey-green and flattened against the stone nearest when the full moon rose...
no subject
Date: 2011-04-26 06:27 am (UTC)Then you'd spend at least a few nights a month getting a rest, albeit frilly, grey-green and flattened against the stone nearest when the full moon rose...
That's sort of sexy.
like most things in my life, i switch.
Date: 2011-04-26 04:15 am (UTC)And drinking helps, despite what I've been told that it does not work, but I tend to sleep longer, better, and wake up refreshed. It also helps with my crying fits. The problem is that I can't afford it as much as I do it.
Spending the day by the sea sounds like fun. Even if I do try to avoid the sun as much as I can.
Have you tried gardening? That that I'm into it at all, but when I'm angry I do like to stab the earth with a shovel until I have a big hole than put a pretty plant in it.
Re: like most things in my life, i switch.
Date: 2011-04-26 06:29 am (UTC)Have you tried gardening?
Long ago. I enjoyed it. I was good at it.
no subject
Date: 2011-04-26 02:03 pm (UTC)EDIT: this overly self-involved comment has been brought to you by i need to update my own journal instead. :/