greygirlbeast: (Narcissa)
[personal profile] greygirlbeast
The subject line above sort of squiggled out of my brainmeats just now. It's something left unexpressed in my all night conversation with [ profile] readingthedark, which ended only as the sun was rising. I do hate sunrise, which is odd, because I didn't used to hate sunrise. There was a time I loved the sight, and it meant nothing more than that the sun was rising. I think it's come to mean, instead, a failure to find the nocturnal sleep of Good Christian Folk. But yes, Geoffrey visited last night. We ate calzones and talked. Mostly, we talked. About books and writing and publishing, drugs and sex and movies, cults and magick and whether or not the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn would turn me away (that's not the original Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, of course, not 1888 to 1908, but the New and Improved Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn). Towards the end, it all became a blur, but I assume he has returned safely to Framingham.

Gloomy out there. Gloomy and wet. Same as yesterday.


I think the only work I actually accomplished was of the email variety. I think. Yeah, I'm pretty sure of that. My piercing appointment was at 5 p.m., and before then I went with Spooky, out into the drizzle, to the pharmacy (to get my new meds) and then the vet (to get Sméagol's meds). As for the piercing, that part went very, very well. If you're in the Providence area, and I strongly recommend RockStar Body Piercing. It's very probably the most positive experience I've ever had with piercing. My labret had closed, and had to be repierced, and both my ears were pierced again, because the lowermost holes weren't centered quite right for stretching. I've begun with six-gauge glass plugs, and within a year or so I should be up to the 5/8th of an inch plugs I'm aiming for (about the width of a nickel). It's nice having the labret back. It's my original 1995 labret, not the one I wore for a while later on, beginning on March 5, 2006. As soon as Jef was done with my lip, he asked, "How does it feel?" And I replied, "Nostalgic."

Afterwards, Spooky got some new shoes, and I tried on a pair of boots that I love, but can't possibly presently afford. Spooky says of her new shoes, "I like my new shoes. And they have hot pink on them. Which is a masculine color."

She's such a fucking butch.

The editor for whom I'm writing "Fake Plastic Trees" loves the Story Thus Far, so I have to get back to work on that immediately. I need to speak with my agent this evening, because I seem to have a plan. Which is sort of new for me.

Cold Spring is reluctantly giving way to Spring. Many of the trees are showing a spray of green, and flowers are opening. I heave a twice hourly sigh of relief.

This morning, I slept seven hours, and it was some of the best sleep I've had in weeks. Not perfect. There were the nightmares, and they were bad. But, still, better sleep.

This entry's sort of a muddle, kittens. Yesterday was actually a pretty decent day, as my days go. You'd think I could have made a better entry of it. Alas.

Freshly Perforated,
Aunt Beast

Date: 2011-04-20 06:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] olivia nishkian (from
I hate that every article of clothing we ever fall in love with is always outside of our financial reach. At least, it's always that way for me.

Date: 2011-04-20 07:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

I hate that every article of clothing we ever fall in love with is always outside of our financial reach. At least, it's always that way for me.

It's very often that way for me.

Date: 2011-04-20 07:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I can't speak for clothing, being a cheap denim and cheaper flannel sort, but a muddled entry deserves a muddled, unconnected to anything said above comment. So here's mine...I thought you might be interested to know that Lovecraft's "Shunned House" is for sale:

Anybody got 925,000 clams to spare? There's a few acid burns in the basement, but otherwise it's a steal.

Date: 2011-04-20 09:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Please post photos of your piercings, if you have the time! I've never seen a picture of you with a labret before. I've had mine for about 11 years, but had to take it out and get it repierced. So, I know what you mean about feeling nostalgic when you get it back. When the piercer handed me a mirror after the repiercing I said something like, "Yes, this is how I'm supposed to look, this is right."

Date: 2011-04-20 10:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]

Please post photos of your piercings, if you have the time!

Will do.

Date: 2011-04-20 09:44 pm (UTC)
sovay: (I Claudius)
From: [personal profile] sovay
My labret had closed, and had to be repierced, and both my ears were pierced again, because the lowermost holes weren't centered quite right for stretching. I've begun with six-gauge glass plugs, and within a year or so I should be up to the 5/8th of an inch plugs I'm aiming for (about the width of a nickel).


Date: 2011-04-20 10:24 pm (UTC)

Date: 2011-04-20 11:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
This is off-topic, but have you seen this? Apparently the house at 135 Benefit St is for sale.

Date: 2011-04-21 01:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Better a muddled entry and a good day than the other way round.

Last night wasn't so great for sleep for me, so I'll be happy for you and yours - sometimes the fact that anyone, anywhere can still sleep is an odd sort of comfort. Rather like conformation that sleep really does exist and isn't something imaginary.

Date: 2011-04-21 02:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
If the New and Improved Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn had any sense they would fast track your membership. You would be a glorious asset to any Magickal Lodge. I wonder what type of dramatic rituals you would create.

Date: 2011-04-21 07:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I guess one of my many issues with organized religion, including the types that I'm much more sympathetic toward, is that no established Order is seeking new or dramatic anything. They tend to be profit-seeking endeavors that want to sell gear to true believers who will mindlessly quote the party line.

Alan Moore has discussed his short-lived interaction with the Golden Dawn and my thesis is basically that Caitlin's experience would be decidedly similar. She would ask questions. They would tell her to be quiet. That dynamic wouldn't work for more than a few months.

(That said, I wholeheartedly believe that Moore might be one of the great occultists of our era, at least on the level of Chumbley, it's just that following orders is usually part of being in an Order, and the truest and purest seekers tend to be lousy followers.)

Date: 2011-04-21 08:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
My experience is much different than that, but it is not with the Golden Dawn. I can definitely see what you mean though. How do you have an order that allows the individual to flourish while maintaining a community? How can you hold to a set of common beliefs while allowing new things to be created?

Curious isn't it.

Date: 2011-04-21 09:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
My experience is that it comes down to groups of people, who's in charge, and how the group of individuals handle the "organizational culture" of the community. A common problem is that it's (like I hypothesized for Caitlin) a revolving door. You can't really build something stable and innovative if most people are going to get bored with studying all the weird symbols and hand gestures. Even an Order that wanted to slowly build something amazing (though I personally think that the established high magick traditions do tend to be regressive and conservative in order to keep their traditions unadulterated), there is still the problem that very few human beings stick with anything for ten years.
(Quick note: I have a ton of respect for Thelema and O.T.O., I'm not questioning their aims or methods--merely delineating the challenges.)

To actually hold beliefs and also create new things, simultaneously, it (in my humble and often presumptious opinion)can take many years. Yet we rarely see that. To me, the most vital work ends up being single individuals who do a whole lot of occult tourism and then eventually manage to articulate what they've learned or uncovered. I mean, Jack Parsons is no joke, but he didn't lead well or play well with others.

When creative madpeople are the only ones that can do it right and it needs intense organizational skills and detail-oriented labor-intensive work (not even mentioning how it takes a whole lot of time and money), it's a curious balance and it, far too often, becomes impractical. So, yes, I confess to being grounded in my own experience and knowledge and I freely admit that I might be dead wrong, but I certainly share the curiosity and agree that, for those of us who truly understand these things, the community of The Immaculate Order of the Falling Sky may actually be about as good as it gets.

Date: 2011-04-21 03:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I hate to taunt you, assuming that the price is beyond your means, but in case you hadn't heard the house on Benefit street is for sale (

Date: 2011-04-21 05:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
My price range for clothes allows me to shop at goodwill. For some odd reason I find the most amazing books there though. For example, I found out about you by finding Threshold there. It really is weird how that one goodwill store has all these strange, lovely books you would never expect in the upstate of South Carolina. Uhmm... Anyway, your piercing sounds very intriguing. Can't wait to see it.

Date: 2011-04-21 05:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Was any conclusion reached regarding your hypothetical admission into the Hermetic Order?

Date: 2011-04-21 07:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You can see my ramble above for some of my primary thoughts on the hypothetical admission. I'd like to think I'm an acolyte in the Immaculate Order of the Falling Sky and that it's a much more valid Order than most.

Admission to the Golden Dawn is primarily a financial transaction in almost all cases. Even a requirement that several current initiates must recommend a neophyte simply means that you need to know their paypal account or buy a few drinks.

I love, even adore, plenty of the established traditions--but it's a lot like how an avatar comes to a sim for the rist time and wants to rule all rp within the first twenty minutes. Eventually the people in charge create a rigid and immutable system of rules to keep intact what so many people have tried to disrupt. (This phenomenon also explains the factionalization of occult Orders. For example, twenty years ago or so, banning cigarette smoking at rituals (or before and after) almost shook some Orders to their foundations.)

Date: 2011-04-21 09:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I ate calzone last night too,Omgwhatdoesitmean?

I want to laugh about the hot pink/ masculine color thing. I'm kind of on the edge of laughing; it's funny, right?

Date: 2011-04-21 06:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It means that we now live in the calzone era. I presume a literary movement called Calzonepunk is imminent.

Date: 2011-04-21 06:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It was a pleasure to see you, as always. I enjoyed rambling into the wee hours immensely, despite my moments of incoherence.

I still see insane layers of the Xtian thing. It's sort of like if the majority of the country believed that their D&D characters were real. But there's also the obvious complication that none of the people who claim to believe in the "one true god" actually believe in the same god. They all have trumped-up idealized versions of their own preconceived bigotries and prejudices and they claim some magic person in the sky gives them permission to proslytize. It reminded me of a religion course I sat in on where the professor said that no one had ever written a commentary on religion, they'd written a memoir where they talked about religion a lot. If we locked humankind in a room and beat them soundly, one by one, I believe that we'd discover that there's no one idea or single God to war against, it's millions of individually created imaginary friends...


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Caitlín R. Kiernan

February 2012

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