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greygirlbeastThe "best of" collection is coming together. I'm very happy to announce that pretty much all the artists on my wish list are now on board for the volume. The limited hardback edition (as opposed to the trade hardback edition) will have a bonus section, sixteen pages of reprinted illustrations that have accompanied my stories over the years. Artists include Richard A. Kirk, Vince Locke, Ryan Obermeyer, Ted Naifeh, and Dame Darcy. So, that's one more way this book is going to rock.
An utterly atrocious writing day yesterday, thanks to the insomnia of the night before. I barely managed 587 words. In light of all this not sleeping and not writing enough, I'm postponing my trip to NYC until October, after we return from Portland and the HPLFF.
Speaking of which, first off, if you're wanting to buy tickets to the festival, here's the link.
Secondly, gods, I'm exhausted. And I look it. The combined of effects of insomnia, several years of illness, and the meds I take for all that crap, have left me...brittle. And I have this fear that people will be going to the HPLFF expecting to see that person I was three years ago when I was interviewed for Lovecraft: Fear of the Unknown, or, worse yet, the person I am in the author's photo (taken in 2003) up on the HPLFF website. Yeah, I know it's silly and shallow and petty of me to worry about shit like this. Sure, I know. This is all meant to be about the writing, not about the writer's physical appearance. But it's one thing to know this, and another thing to feel this. Mostly, I feel terrified. I ceased being a "public" person years ago. I sit in my office and I write. Which is what writers do. Writers aren't supposed to be celebrities (as Kristin Hersh says in Rat Girl, "Fame is for dorks."), and we aren't supposed to worry about how we fucking look at public appearances. That mindset is anathema to being a writer. And yet, all I said about this dread is true. We are all victims of the beauty myth and the cult of youth, even when we have declared ourselves its worst enemy. I want to be read, not seen. That's the way it's supposed to work.
Last night, I resorted to the Seroquel, and slept about eight hours. I just couldn't go another night without sleep; I was all but insensible yesterday.
But before the Seroquel, there was very good rp in Insilico. I begin to fear Grendel Ishmene feels more like me than I feel like me. The ego and superego subsumed by the alter-ego. And Spooky and I did what felt like a metric shit-ton of battlefields on WoW, Alterac Valley over and over, because Alterac Valley was "Call to Arms" this weekend...and...you know. Goddamn geeky shit like that.
Anyway...fuck...I need to get to work. But please have a look at the eBay auctions, and Spooky's Etsy shop (with new Halloween ornaments!). Thanks.
An utterly atrocious writing day yesterday, thanks to the insomnia of the night before. I barely managed 587 words. In light of all this not sleeping and not writing enough, I'm postponing my trip to NYC until October, after we return from Portland and the HPLFF.
Speaking of which, first off, if you're wanting to buy tickets to the festival, here's the link.
Secondly, gods, I'm exhausted. And I look it. The combined of effects of insomnia, several years of illness, and the meds I take for all that crap, have left me...brittle. And I have this fear that people will be going to the HPLFF expecting to see that person I was three years ago when I was interviewed for Lovecraft: Fear of the Unknown, or, worse yet, the person I am in the author's photo (taken in 2003) up on the HPLFF website. Yeah, I know it's silly and shallow and petty of me to worry about shit like this. Sure, I know. This is all meant to be about the writing, not about the writer's physical appearance. But it's one thing to know this, and another thing to feel this. Mostly, I feel terrified. I ceased being a "public" person years ago. I sit in my office and I write. Which is what writers do. Writers aren't supposed to be celebrities (as Kristin Hersh says in Rat Girl, "Fame is for dorks."), and we aren't supposed to worry about how we fucking look at public appearances. That mindset is anathema to being a writer. And yet, all I said about this dread is true. We are all victims of the beauty myth and the cult of youth, even when we have declared ourselves its worst enemy. I want to be read, not seen. That's the way it's supposed to work.
Last night, I resorted to the Seroquel, and slept about eight hours. I just couldn't go another night without sleep; I was all but insensible yesterday.
But before the Seroquel, there was very good rp in Insilico. I begin to fear Grendel Ishmene feels more like me than I feel like me. The ego and superego subsumed by the alter-ego. And Spooky and I did what felt like a metric shit-ton of battlefields on WoW, Alterac Valley over and over, because Alterac Valley was "Call to Arms" this weekend...and...you know. Goddamn geeky shit like that.
Anyway...fuck...I need to get to work. But please have a look at the eBay auctions, and Spooky's Etsy shop (with new Halloween ornaments!). Thanks.
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no subject
Date: 2010-09-14 05:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-14 06:31 pm (UTC)Oh yeah, that's the awful truth! As a woman (I want to say "girl," but I guess I have to start saying "woman" at some point) in my forties, I know all too well what lack of sleep + health issues can do to your appearance. I can add years to my face now, just by staying out late and drinking too much. My husband and I have our tickets to the HPLFF already, so we'll see you there, (and although I did see you in "Lovecraft: Fear of the Unknown," I promise not to judge you- if you only knew how much my own stuff has changed in the past three years, ugh!)
Can't wait for the film fest!
~L
no subject
Date: 2010-09-14 09:53 pm (UTC)know all too well what lack of sleep + health issues can do to your appearance. I can add years to my face now
In my case, the current discrepancy between actual and apparent age is alarming.
no subject
Date: 2010-09-15 12:06 am (UTC)I firmly believe a lot of that can be reversed with recovered health and regular sleep, though, so I'm really hoping that can happen for you at some point...
~L
no subject
Date: 2010-09-14 07:00 pm (UTC)I for one am very much looking forward to hearing you read in Portland, as well as meeting you (and hopefully Spooky, too). Might I let you know that the nerves are on this side, too? Damn that youth culture and hip-driving social pressures. But, the thoughts of being too fan-girlie, catching you at a bad time...whatever battling with the desire to just say, "Thank you and nice to finally meet you face to face," is still there.
My son has to take Seroquel nearly every night in order to STAY asleep. But he tries to do one night a week (usually not on a school night) without it. It does give him a bit of a hang-over, but over the long term it has been very much more healthy for him to get regular sleep in regular intervals. I know I'm preaching to the choir and smack of hypocrit because my doc wanted to give me seroquel for the insomnia as well. I said no, but that's more to budget than anything else. That shit is expensive.
no subject
Date: 2010-09-14 09:01 pm (UTC)That shit is expensive.
Very much so, which is one reason I limit my use of it. But it also makes me very groggy during the day if I use it more than a couple of nights in a row. This may be due to an interaction with other prescriptions.
no subject
Date: 2010-09-14 08:03 pm (UTC)"I want to be read, not seen. That's the way it's supposed to work."
There are readers who feel the same way. They don't want to know anything about the writer as a person, not the appearance, not the politics or causes or any beliefs, not their history, not their influences, not their intended direction, not even their intended communication.
But those readers don't go to cons, they don't really read reviews, they certainly don't read LJs, they don't care about anything but the words and then they'll likely whine that "those aren't the words I thought I was going to get."
Others of us (er, okay, this is headed towards the ridiculous but it still feels right) look at words and books as if they were the writer's children who've become our friends. We like the words in a personal way. We want to know more about them, what made them the way they are, what influenced them, what their relatives are like. And so, yes, we want to meet the parent but only so we can add more context: "That's what s/he looks like, that's what s/he sounds like, that's where my beloved book picked up that quirked smile and that odd little accent." We're not looking for MILFs or FILFs and a good thing: you have noticed that most other authors aren't exactly ready for pageant competition?
no subject
Date: 2010-09-14 09:07 pm (UTC)And, because I am filled with contradiction, this attitude irks me. Believing that writing and celebrity do not go hand in hand is not the same as refusing the acknowledge the relevance of an author's life to their work (if one is actually interested in understanding the work). This gets into that shit about the New Critics and reader-response theory and other stuff that makes me twitch.
Others of us (er, okay, this is headed towards the ridiculous but it still feels right) look at words and books as if they were the writer's children who've become our friends.
I'm a bit standoffish about this analogy, if only because it seems to strengthen the importance of having children. My books are not my children, figuratively or literally. They are my work. I have no children.
We're not looking for MILFs or FILFs
I had to look up those acronyms. Bizarre.
you have noticed that most other authors aren't exactly ready for pageant competition?
Yeah, I know. Somehow knowing doesn't help.
no subject
Date: 2010-09-15 01:33 am (UTC)Sorry about that connotation, it isn't meant that way! It was reaching for an analogy of something that's from someone in a way that couldn't have allowed for it coming from someone else, but one can meet it and value it without necessarily knowing much about the source.
I do have children (sort of, now 20-ish, and I like them better as they've grown). I still don't consider it important for people to have them, and there's something wrong with people who seriously view pets or their creative works as such. (If nothing else, they seem to use it as an excuse to show the worst stereotypes of parental behaviour.)
no subject
Date: 2010-09-15 04:09 am (UTC)Sorry about that connotation, it isn't meant that way! It was reaching for an analogy of something that's from someone in a way that couldn't have allowed for it coming from someone else, but one can meet it and value it without necessarily knowing much about the source.
It's okay. I've just been bombarded with that analogy over the years, mostly from other authors.
no subject
Date: 2010-09-14 09:28 pm (UTC)You don't look terribly old in the pictures I've seen on the blog recently. In fact, I often think I'd like to look like you when I'm older as you seem to age so gracefully. But I know I see a lot more flaws in myself than anyone else does, and I'm sure that is part of it. From this one person's outside perspective though, you look lovely!
no subject
Date: 2010-09-14 09:52 pm (UTC)But I know I see a lot more flaws in myself than anyone else does
Kathryn says the same of me.
no subject
Date: 2010-09-14 09:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-15 01:46 pm (UTC)I think so too.
no subject
Date: 2010-09-15 05:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-15 06:08 am (UTC)You could look like a citizen of Innsmouth and I'd still want to meet you and hear you read regardless.
See, if I looked like a citizen of Innsmouth, that would be cool.
no subject
Date: 2010-09-15 01:59 pm (UTC)And this one of the many reasons I want to know a bit more about you, why I like to have a bit more than the books. I am interested by the lives of beloved authors, it may be "fan stuff" for some, I don't really see it that way. I love what you write, so I think it's natural (for me at least) to want to know about the great person behind the great words.
And I have to confess, I love seeing pictures of you...
no subject
Date: 2010-09-15 11:51 pm (UTC)