Stepping back...
Oct. 10th, 2009 11:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greygirlbeastLast night is the first night since at least December 2007 that I've managed to sleep without Ambien. I've been cutting the dosage back for weeks now, and last night, I just said fuck it, and didn't take any. And I slept.
We take our victories where we can find them, no matter how small.
There was no writing again yesterday, so I think I can officially say that I am now in a crisis state. We'll say Code Yellow. Tomorrow, if I've still not written, we go to Orange.
I did read Holly Phillips' "Cold Water Survival" in Lovecraft Unbound, and I liked it quite a lot. It's very rare for me to actually read an anthology in which I have a story, but I'm reading this one. At least for now.
In the midst of all the Not Writing that was going on yesterday, I also resolved to begin withdrawing from Facebook and Twitter, and stop using them as anything but a mirror for this journal by the end of October. Well, truthfully, I made my last post to Facebook yesterday evening, after being prodded with one pointy stick too many, and discovering I couldn't turn off comments. That is, discovering I could not disallow comments. As I said yesterday, what kind of fucked-up forced-socialization fascism is that? So, no more Facebook (except that the LJ entries will continue to show up there). I think the thing I will most miss about it is the fact that people seemed almost always to use their real names. I won't miss having people I've not spoken to in ten or fifteen or twenty years suddenly thrusting themselves back into my life uninvited. So, yes, I'll try to stick with Twitter until the end of the month. But a lot of things are wrong in my life at the moment, and one of them is having allowed myself to wander off into all this "social networking" brouhaha. I do not think in sound bytes of 140 characters (or whatever Facebook allows, for that matter). I don't write in them. It was a mistake for me to try and force it.
Of course, this leaves me here in the wasteland of LiveJournal, which seems to be losing writers and readers like a sinking ship purportedly loses rats. But, at least I can finish a thought here without being told I'm over my character limit. And if I don't want to interact, or hear someone else's thoughts, it's easy enough to turn off comments.
If you've not yet, please take a moment to order a copy of The Red Tree. It's the reason I'm still bothering to communicate with the public at all. Which means, if you're reading this, you probably would benefit by reading that.
A cloudy day here in Providence. The sun's never around when I actually want to see it.
We take our victories where we can find them, no matter how small.
There was no writing again yesterday, so I think I can officially say that I am now in a crisis state. We'll say Code Yellow. Tomorrow, if I've still not written, we go to Orange.
I did read Holly Phillips' "Cold Water Survival" in Lovecraft Unbound, and I liked it quite a lot. It's very rare for me to actually read an anthology in which I have a story, but I'm reading this one. At least for now.
In the midst of all the Not Writing that was going on yesterday, I also resolved to begin withdrawing from Facebook and Twitter, and stop using them as anything but a mirror for this journal by the end of October. Well, truthfully, I made my last post to Facebook yesterday evening, after being prodded with one pointy stick too many, and discovering I couldn't turn off comments. That is, discovering I could not disallow comments. As I said yesterday, what kind of fucked-up forced-socialization fascism is that? So, no more Facebook (except that the LJ entries will continue to show up there). I think the thing I will most miss about it is the fact that people seemed almost always to use their real names. I won't miss having people I've not spoken to in ten or fifteen or twenty years suddenly thrusting themselves back into my life uninvited. So, yes, I'll try to stick with Twitter until the end of the month. But a lot of things are wrong in my life at the moment, and one of them is having allowed myself to wander off into all this "social networking" brouhaha. I do not think in sound bytes of 140 characters (or whatever Facebook allows, for that matter). I don't write in them. It was a mistake for me to try and force it.
Of course, this leaves me here in the wasteland of LiveJournal, which seems to be losing writers and readers like a sinking ship purportedly loses rats. But, at least I can finish a thought here without being told I'm over my character limit. And if I don't want to interact, or hear someone else's thoughts, it's easy enough to turn off comments.
If you've not yet, please take a moment to order a copy of The Red Tree. It's the reason I'm still bothering to communicate with the public at all. Which means, if you're reading this, you probably would benefit by reading that.
A cloudy day here in Providence. The sun's never around when I actually want to see it.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:00 pm (UTC)We take our victories where we can find them, no matter how small.
This, I grok. (I'm glad to read this.) My bare experience with drugs mainly had to do with sleeping pills, five years ago, and it turned out not to be a solution for me. I've dealt with sleep issues on and off since then, including now (hello stress! Long story), so I understand enough.
May the sun reach you soon.
P.S. Making sure you see this: a wonderful interview with Terry Gilliam (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/starsandstories/6280878/Terry-Gilliam-interview-for-The-Imaginarium-of-Doctor-Parnassus.html).
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:04 pm (UTC)I am very glad.
You never have to apologize for not talking to people.
I hope the sun's come out.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:06 pm (UTC)P.S. Making sure you see this: a wonderful interview with Terry Gilliam.
Thank you. A fine link, indeed.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:07 pm (UTC)I hope the sun's come out.
It's odd how many people seem to think I loathe the sun...
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:08 pm (UTC)Bless you. Nor do I read in them, nor can I understand a quality
idea in them. I hate that everything is being reduced to grunts.
Full circle, I reckon.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:10 pm (UTC)I hate that everything is being reduced to grunts.
Well said.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:11 pm (UTC)All said, including my having a BIG issue/beef with him right now, I'm glad Terry Gilliam exists and is still working. He's one of my biggest non-family-or-friends influences of my life.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:13 pm (UTC)I figured you may have seen it (Neil Gaiman linked to it), but I wanted to be sure.
As it happens, I had not.
including my having a BIG issue/beef with him right now, I'm glad Terry Gilliam exists
What problem do you have with Terry Gilliam?
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:13 pm (UTC)"135 characters remaining"
It had BETTER not get to the point where the programs are wordier than us...
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:16 pm (UTC)I have a copy of The Red Tree waiting on my shelf for when I have time to appreciate it properly.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:16 pm (UTC)Second, I've been making an active attempt to write more, on LiveJournal, whatever way I can. Thoughts on the day, processing the things I have to write, fiction, whatever. It's... slowly working. Very slowly. Sometimes.
I would like to extend the life and potential of this place, as much as I can, but I don't know what can be done there.
Better luck writing, today.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:21 pm (UTC)It had BETTER not get to the point where the programs are wordier than us...
The day may have already arrived.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:32 pm (UTC)I enjoy the challenge of fitting something vaguely interesting into 140 characters, but it's certainly not a universal entertainment.
I've never been much of a reductionist.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:34 pm (UTC)Thoughts on the day, processing the things I have to write, fiction, whatever. It's... slowly working.
One of the traps writers have to avoid is spending more time writing about writing than actually writing.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:39 pm (UTC)If that. Bah. Taking the laptop to work, today. Going to get something done.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:39 pm (UTC)Longish answer; you're warned.
I can't yet fathom his support (http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2009/sep/29/roman-polanski-petition) of one of the Roman Polanski petitions (http://www.sacd.fr/Le-cinema-soutient-Roman-Polanski-Petition-for-Roman-Polanski.1340.0.html) (that link has the petition in French and English). It seems to me to miss the point massively. The petition, as I understand it, focuses on the legalities of how Polanski was arrested in Switzerland (I heard an explanation later that many of the signers worry that this could lead to arrests of other artists for less justifiable reasons), but seems to greatly -- no, hugely -- minimize that this whole sad, complicated case started because Polanski raped a child. (As I wrote here (http://chris-walsh.livejournal.com/1032750.html), "The news is making me think for probably the first time in my life just how truly, deeply skeevy and messed-up this case was from the start. Probably thinking about it, really thinking about it, should hurt. (And that may be partly why, when I heard one case of out-and-out schaudenfreude over Polanski's arrest, I got angry. NOTHING ABOUT THIS SHOULD FEEL GOOD.) It all stems from a man using a position of privilege to force himself on a girl. And it was force. And she did resist, through the impairment of champagne and half a Quaalude. And he didn't stop.")
My cognitive dissonance of admiring Gilliam and his work and being flabbergasted by his signing the petition has been personally a little tough. Some friends of mine are mad to the point of not wanting to watch anything by him or the other signers of those petitions unless they apologize and retract. Gilliam has shown understanding in his work of how tough life can be for young people (I still haven't seen Tideland, but it sounds like that work comes from that understanding), and I can't believe that he really believes rape is okay -- he's the father of three kids -- but I still don't know his reasons for supporting that petition.
So talking and thinking about Gilliam right now is, um, a little maddening.
Probably not the answer you were expecting. It's a load to dump, to be honest, and I struggled between saying it and not saying it. Ultimately, I felt like I'd be ignoring or hiding it by not mentioning it, and that, I felt, was the worse option.
(I never feel I do cognitive dissonance well.)
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:41 pm (UTC)Ah. Then I think I think the less I say about this issue, the better.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:42 pm (UTC)You still might appreciate Bob Thaves's rewrite of Moby-Dick: "Sail tale. Frail male fails, pale whale prevails."
(See? I can still think about funny stuff!)
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:45 pm (UTC)You still might appreciate Bob Thaves's rewrite of Moby-Dick: "Sail tale. Frail male fails, pale whale prevails."
See, I just think that's lame. I'd also argue with the interpretation.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:46 pm (UTC)And I won't press the issue here.
Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 04:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 05:00 pm (UTC)Hi. I'm Amy
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 05:04 pm (UTC)and am disappointed with FB as everyone seems to do nothing but waste time sending “rainbow hugs” and joining Snickers fan clubs (why would anyone consider joining a fan club for food?)
Yeah...at the moment, I have 209 requests of one sort or another at Facebook that I've never even bothered to look at. What I don't get are the "games."
Hi. I'm Amy
Hello, Amy.
no subject
Date: 2009-10-10 05:30 pm (UTC)You don't know me from Eve and I just found your LJ the other day through random googling...just wanted to let you know that I'm reading and just the other day I purchased a new copy of The Red Tree.
I am a migraine-suffering insomniac as well, and have enjoyed reading your musings on the creative process.
Also, I don't blame you for retreating from FB or Twitter...I've never been a fan of either. I don't much like people from my distant past or estranged family members suddenly popping up through those channels, or the constant pokes and friend requests from people I don't even know.
Jessica