thru' these architect's eyes
Dec. 14th, 2006 11:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greygirlbeastProceeding as it did from the dreams, yesterday was a Very Bad Day during which nothing was written or edited or even planned. Virtually nothing of note was accomplished. Yesterday got an L in my day planner, whether it earned one or not. The dreams this morning were almost as bad, or as good, depending upon one's frame of reference and desires. Safer to say, the dreams this morning were as segregated from this waking life and as possessed of their own integrity. I need to have the Ambien refilled. At least the Ambien makes it hard for me to remember the dreams.
I cannot afford to lose even one more day over the next two and a half months.
Push it away. Push it all away.
I did get this comment, from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
shadowmeursault, in response to yesterday's entry, which I thought contained some good questions, so I'm quoting it here:
do you know the "answers" to your own mysteries? do you ever feel the need to justify a suspension of disbelief, even to yourself? or are you content to leave your mysteries as mysteries, even to your own mind? an example being the hemispherical world in Murder of Angels. do you, as its creator, know all of its nuances, or are you content with the little mysteries it gives you?
I cannot think of a single example of me knowing anything much more than what has been revealed in the stories themselves. Which is to say, I'm not holding out. Sometimes, I've sort of felt like reviewers and readers suspected that I was...holding out. But I'm not. If it's not there on the page, I likely am as much in the dark as you. I only find the answers I find as I write. There are very few exceptions. For example, I only learned about the connection between Dancy Flammarion and Spyder Baxter, and the connection between the Weaver and Dancy's "angel," as I was writing "Bainbridge" last December and January. Of course, I still don't know if Spyder's father was "only" schizophrenic, or if Dancy's mother was only "schizophrenic." When these questions are left unanswered, I'm not being dishonest with the reader. I simply never found the answers myself. Usually, that's because I preferred to leave the questions unanswered in my own mind. Maybe someday I'll draw a map of the hemispherical world, but I have not yet. Mostly, it's a big blank for me. The mysteries mean more to me than the possible solutions. I'll take a really good question, filled with endless possibility, over a sterile concrete answer any day of the week.
On that note, while the mini-series was mediocre overall, I was impressed and pleased that so much ambiguity was allowed to persist at the conclusion of The Lost Room. I kept expecting some hackneyed explanation: the Occupant must have had dealings with the Roswell aliens; or Room 10 was the result of a Cold war experiment; or the Objects were the components of a time machine which had crashed in Gallup, New Mexico on May 4th, 1961. But no. We were allowed to keep the mystery. For that alone, The Lost Room is to be commended. I kept wishing that it could have been just a little smarter, just a little less TV, but at least it was halfway decent TV. Which is fortunate, as I gave it six hours and suffered through the same insufferable commercials for three nights running.
Merrilee, my NYC agent, sent me a box of cookies and brownies from Solomon's Gourmet Cookies in Chicago (since 1943). The jelly cookies were especially good.
I'll be adding more items to the eBay auctions today or tonight. Please have a look. Lately, I really haven't felt like dealing with the tedium and frustration that is eBay, but a check is long overdue. A rather large check from a publisher, which was due two months ago. And the guilty party is neither Subterranean Press nor is it Penguin. It's someone else. At this point, I do not expect to be paid until at least January. My need to be paid cannot be allowed to interfere with the vacations and religious holidays of others. So, it's back to eBay. I may even list a second Daughter of Hounds ARC, though I said I wouldn't. Of course, when I said that, I thought surely I'd be paid by Thanksgiving, at the latest. Silly nixar.
In response to one my comments yetserday about NeoPaganism,morganxpage wrote:
I think that this is caused by the same thing a lot of other problems within the NeoPagan (and particularly, the Wiccan) communities: non-conversion. Most NeoPagans never truly convert to their NeoPagan religions, instead holding on to their previously Western Judeo-Christian beliefs, often without realizing that that is what they're doing. NeoPaganism becomes a new surface mask for the previous belief system. So instead of truly appreciating and serving Nature, they hold on to the belief that Nature is meant to serve them, which stems from Biblical teachings.
I think you're right, only I'd not confine the source of the failed conversion problem to "Biblical teachings." This is a problem with humanity as a whole, not soley with those humans with a JudeoXtian background. Humans have always had a tendency to imagine the world as this thing which revolves around humans. I see it in all the world's religions, to one degree or another. The inability to grasp that the nonconscious universe is wholly indifferent to the needs and desires of humanity or of any other species, for that matter. The refusal to view Nature as Nature instead of anthropomorphizing it as Mother Nature or the Goddess or Gaia or what have you. There are no gods and there are no goddesses, excepting our concepts of them. There is only the universe, and humanity is only a component of that system. No one and nothing "out there" is watching out for us. And, looking at Pleistocene and Holocene extinction patterns on Earth, it's clear that most PaleoPagans were ultimately no less anthropocentric and short-sighted, in terms of viewing Nature as something to be exploited. It is a myth that all indigenous peoples the world over held Nature in higher regard than their own immediate well-being. The present extinction event began long before the arrival of Xtianity and the fires of industry, even before the development of agriculture. Ultimately, I am asking that humans stop behaving like humans, not that NeoPagans stop behaving like Xtains (though that would be nice, too). I'm asking people to hack millions of years of genetic hardwiring and reboot (I mean these things figuratively, not in the transhumanist, singularitarian sense). I'm expecting people to let go of the comforting lies. While I'm at it, I'll take the goddamn moon, as well.
Okay. I need to be working on something for the December Sirenia Digest. I need to get moving.
Postscript (2:15 p.m. CaST; 1:15 p.m. EST): Upon reflection, it seems as though, increasingly, this journal has become less about my writing and more about things I'm probably better off not discussing at all publicly. If nothing else, it's hard to imagine that I'm not boring the crap out of some people, while leading others to conclude I am a complete lunatic and alienating still others. So, from here on, I believe I will be confining myself primarily to that subject for which this journal was created — my writing and the promotion of my writing. The rest is likely only white noise, anyway.
I cannot afford to lose even one more day over the next two and a half months.
Push it away. Push it all away.
I did get this comment, from
shadowmeursault, in response to yesterday's entry, which I thought contained some good questions, so I'm quoting it here:do you know the "answers" to your own mysteries? do you ever feel the need to justify a suspension of disbelief, even to yourself? or are you content to leave your mysteries as mysteries, even to your own mind? an example being the hemispherical world in Murder of Angels. do you, as its creator, know all of its nuances, or are you content with the little mysteries it gives you?
I cannot think of a single example of me knowing anything much more than what has been revealed in the stories themselves. Which is to say, I'm not holding out. Sometimes, I've sort of felt like reviewers and readers suspected that I was...holding out. But I'm not. If it's not there on the page, I likely am as much in the dark as you. I only find the answers I find as I write. There are very few exceptions. For example, I only learned about the connection between Dancy Flammarion and Spyder Baxter, and the connection between the Weaver and Dancy's "angel," as I was writing "Bainbridge" last December and January. Of course, I still don't know if Spyder's father was "only" schizophrenic, or if Dancy's mother was only "schizophrenic." When these questions are left unanswered, I'm not being dishonest with the reader. I simply never found the answers myself. Usually, that's because I preferred to leave the questions unanswered in my own mind. Maybe someday I'll draw a map of the hemispherical world, but I have not yet. Mostly, it's a big blank for me. The mysteries mean more to me than the possible solutions. I'll take a really good question, filled with endless possibility, over a sterile concrete answer any day of the week.
On that note, while the mini-series was mediocre overall, I was impressed and pleased that so much ambiguity was allowed to persist at the conclusion of The Lost Room. I kept expecting some hackneyed explanation: the Occupant must have had dealings with the Roswell aliens; or Room 10 was the result of a Cold war experiment; or the Objects were the components of a time machine which had crashed in Gallup, New Mexico on May 4th, 1961. But no. We were allowed to keep the mystery. For that alone, The Lost Room is to be commended. I kept wishing that it could have been just a little smarter, just a little less TV, but at least it was halfway decent TV. Which is fortunate, as I gave it six hours and suffered through the same insufferable commercials for three nights running.
Merrilee, my NYC agent, sent me a box of cookies and brownies from Solomon's Gourmet Cookies in Chicago (since 1943). The jelly cookies were especially good.
I'll be adding more items to the eBay auctions today or tonight. Please have a look. Lately, I really haven't felt like dealing with the tedium and frustration that is eBay, but a check is long overdue. A rather large check from a publisher, which was due two months ago. And the guilty party is neither Subterranean Press nor is it Penguin. It's someone else. At this point, I do not expect to be paid until at least January. My need to be paid cannot be allowed to interfere with the vacations and religious holidays of others. So, it's back to eBay. I may even list a second Daughter of Hounds ARC, though I said I wouldn't. Of course, when I said that, I thought surely I'd be paid by Thanksgiving, at the latest. Silly nixar.
In response to one my comments yetserday about NeoPaganism,
morganxpage wrote:I think that this is caused by the same thing a lot of other problems within the NeoPagan (and particularly, the Wiccan) communities: non-conversion. Most NeoPagans never truly convert to their NeoPagan religions, instead holding on to their previously Western Judeo-Christian beliefs, often without realizing that that is what they're doing. NeoPaganism becomes a new surface mask for the previous belief system. So instead of truly appreciating and serving Nature, they hold on to the belief that Nature is meant to serve them, which stems from Biblical teachings.
I think you're right, only I'd not confine the source of the failed conversion problem to "Biblical teachings." This is a problem with humanity as a whole, not soley with those humans with a JudeoXtian background. Humans have always had a tendency to imagine the world as this thing which revolves around humans. I see it in all the world's religions, to one degree or another. The inability to grasp that the nonconscious universe is wholly indifferent to the needs and desires of humanity or of any other species, for that matter. The refusal to view Nature as Nature instead of anthropomorphizing it as Mother Nature or the Goddess or Gaia or what have you. There are no gods and there are no goddesses, excepting our concepts of them. There is only the universe, and humanity is only a component of that system. No one and nothing "out there" is watching out for us. And, looking at Pleistocene and Holocene extinction patterns on Earth, it's clear that most PaleoPagans were ultimately no less anthropocentric and short-sighted, in terms of viewing Nature as something to be exploited. It is a myth that all indigenous peoples the world over held Nature in higher regard than their own immediate well-being. The present extinction event began long before the arrival of Xtianity and the fires of industry, even before the development of agriculture. Ultimately, I am asking that humans stop behaving like humans, not that NeoPagans stop behaving like Xtains (though that would be nice, too). I'm asking people to hack millions of years of genetic hardwiring and reboot (I mean these things figuratively, not in the transhumanist, singularitarian sense). I'm expecting people to let go of the comforting lies. While I'm at it, I'll take the goddamn moon, as well.
Okay. I need to be working on something for the December Sirenia Digest. I need to get moving.
Postscript (2:15 p.m. CaST; 1:15 p.m. EST): Upon reflection, it seems as though, increasingly, this journal has become less about my writing and more about things I'm probably better off not discussing at all publicly. If nothing else, it's hard to imagine that I'm not boring the crap out of some people, while leading others to conclude I am a complete lunatic and alienating still others. So, from here on, I believe I will be confining myself primarily to that subject for which this journal was created — my writing and the promotion of my writing. The rest is likely only white noise, anyway.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-12-14 05:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-14 09:53 pm (UTC)Not being human. Humans are human. But that doesn't mean that humans cannot step back and see those traits of humanity which are so deleterious to the world and, ultimately, to their own chances of survival. Humans need to stop acting like they're the only things inhabiting this planet. That would be a good start.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-14 06:22 pm (UTC)See, this would just drive me insane as a writer. I'd have to know, just for my own edification. While I don't begrudge you what comfort you may draw from the mysteries, I (as a reader) find it disheartening that there are no answers to be found. Eh. This is why I'm not a great existentialist.
Maybe someday I'll draw a map of the hemispherical world, but I have not yet.
The above note notwithstanding, please don't. It just brings the possibility of the CRK Fantasy tabletop RPG thatmuch closer. And, royalties aside, that just kinda depresses me.
I'm asking people to hack millions of years of genetic hardwiring and reboot.... I'm expecting people to let go of the comforting lies.
We're getting mighty close to talkin' 'bout a revolution here, nixar.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-14 09:01 pm (UTC)You know what the Beatles had to say about that...
Maybe this is where Algeria Touchshriek comes in.
This is why I'm not a great existentialist.
Me, I'm an existentialist from waaaaay back.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-14 09:28 pm (UTC)Well, white noise or not, I hope that we can still read about your developing, polymorphous egos. Furthermore, I hope my own jackass commentary has not been fueling this break from those non-writing topics. If unwelcome, this piehole can be stuffed.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-14 09:43 pm (UTC)I promise, it has not. Mostly, it's my contempt for my own thoughts.
I need to not drift any farther from the fabled mainstream than I already am, and these things I've been writing here, they're strong currents.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-14 06:31 pm (UTC)Is it a particular tendency in monotheism?
The rest is likely only white noise, anyway.
I don't find it so.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-14 08:39 pm (UTC)Honestly, no more so than in polytheism (though many polytheists like to think otheriwse). Just consider the deforestation of Europe by pre-Xtian polytheistic Romans...
no subject
Date: 2006-12-15 12:40 am (UTC)I was actually thinking about the Romans: whose religious system does assume that the universe can be favorably influenced in the direction of humanity, but also that mortals owe something back to the gods in return. Dō ut dēs: I give so you'll give. Sacrifices, et cetera. The gods don't do anything for nothing.
(It doesn't help much with the environment, of course. Many of the Greek islands went the same way.)
no subject
Date: 2006-12-14 08:32 pm (UTC)I hope you don't mean this. =( The entries where you discuss everything else are some of my favorites. I've been forwarding my mom, an astronomy and physics teacher, a lot of the science links, which she in turn forwards out to her students.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-14 08:40 pm (UTC)I hope you don't mean this. =( The entries where you discuss everything else are some of my favorites. I've been forwarding my mom, an astronomy and physics teacher, a lot of the science links, which she in turn forwards out to her students.
Oh, I'll still do the science links. That's not what I was talking about. The science links are safe.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-14 09:08 pm (UTC)Seriously, can you truly separate any of these things from your writing? I know I can't - for one thing, I doi not think a writer may be able to draw a line between their various life subjects, experiences, musings, and their work; in my own modest efforts, I certainlly cannot - and as a reader, I do not see any line between the various subjects you bring up here and your fiction. Different sides, at most, but a same world.
I second the previous comment - I find the diversity of subjects fascinating, especially since some of them hit pretty close to home, such as your insights on Wicca and Paganism for example. Is that any more weird to some people than what you write in your fiction? If somebody can't stand what you say here, I very much doubt they can stand your books -after all, it's you inside those pages all the same! I understand and respect privacy, if that is what you need; however, it will be sorely mourned by many of us.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-14 09:22 pm (UTC)Ah, but you see, it has been my personal experience, these past fourteen years or so, that authors of fantastic fiction, dark fantasy, and sf tend to be excruciatingly mundane people. A few like to think of themselves as different, as mavericks, as avant garde, but they rarely ever are. Same with the readers of these fictions.
I mean...
It's one thing when I write about magic (and/or magick), and another when I consider it seriously as something that exists outside fantasy.
It's one thing when I write a parahuman character — Umachandra Murdin or Narcissa Snow or whoever — but it's quite another thing when I profess to be a parahuamnist myself.
It's one thing to write misanthropic chacters, and another thing expose myself as a misanthrope.
And so on.
And so forth.
A lot of people get very uncomfortable when those "lines" between reality and fantasy are crossed or obscured or exposed as illusory. Never mind that that a primary purpose of art should be the instilling of discomfort.
It's not about privacy.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-14 09:45 pm (UTC)Ahhh, I'm afraid I understand all too well.
You know, here in Mexico people are quite weird. Way back when I started writing horror fiction for the small press, there were people -even writers- who actually thought I was an occultist of sorts, and because of my using Cthulhu Mythos materials, there was actually a strong rumor that I was a practitioner of weird rites and believed that stuff!
Of course, the fat that I went to a Wiccan festival a few years ago and people flooded the internet with my photos taken during the festival didn't help a lot. Now, I'm pretty much resigned to it; I got exposed, so I'm taking it in stride, even wrote a book on Wicca and Witchcraft, what the heck. Funny thing is, people who understood Cthulhu stuff and knew how it worked still think my Wicca book is some sort of pseudo-factual novel!
Anyway, yeah, I know what you mean. I couldn't avoid it even when that blurring *wasn't* true of me! But you can, so do it, by all means.
An alternative might be what Edwarddain is doing - usingsubject filters; that would probably be too cumbersome, though.
Well, do whatever is best for you; we're with you all the same.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-14 09:50 pm (UTC)Yeah, I suspect that would be unmanageable. I mean, there'd be the paganism/witchcraft filter, and there would be the parahumanist filter, and there would be the enviromentalism filter, and there would be the misanthropy filter...and on and on. I wouldn't even want to try.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-14 09:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-15 12:02 am (UTC)I kind of always figured that was the case and it never bothered me. Maybe because I tend to see the questions as answers--in other words, if I see a strange, shadowy, unexplained beastie, I think, "Cool. That beastie's all shadowy and unexplained." I figure that's the intent, and can dig it.
Only, now that I think about it, I'm kind of worried that I'm not tense enough. I'm seriously thinking here, "Am I supposed to be desperate for the answer? Is my brain translating the data wrong?"
I suppose an alternative would be for a writer to come up with answers that sheheit never reveals, even as sheheit poses the related questions. Do you suppose that would really necessarily be dishonest?
If nothing else, it's hard to imagine that I'm not boring the crap out of some people, while leading others to conclude I am a complete lunatic and alienating still others.
Your journal's had none of those effects on me. In fact, yours is the only journal I consistently read, to be honest. I hesitate to say that--not to inflate my importance--because now I'm afraid of people tailoring their journal content because of some offhand comment of mine, when the reality is I simply lack the time to read everything. Personally, I suspect shadowboxing readers' tastes in your journal may do more harm than good. It might take energy you can't spare.
And anyway, do you really want to cater to people who might be utterly turned off when you discuss the things you love? Would turning those people off really have a significant impact on your income? I'll freely admit I may be too much of an optimist . . .
no subject
Date: 2006-12-15 12:14 am (UTC)I joined for the writing, but the 'white noise' is what keeps me reading. The honesty of it.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-15 03:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-15 05:22 am (UTC)your response was nice to read. it is always comforting to find that one is not alone. :)
on a very related note, i have to chime in on the talk of paring down. i also enjoy your off topic rants and entries--even the ones that may not particularly interest me (such as paganism--i'm too solidly atheist to truly appreciate the issues at stake). wishes and desires being naturally respected, i'd miss the "rambles."
no subject
Date: 2006-12-15 06:14 am (UTC)Screw that noise. I mean, yeah, it's your journal, do what you like and all that, but the last thing of yours that I read was Silk which I was totally not in the right headspace for at the time. Hadn't thought about picking up anything of yours since then until I ran across your LJ and realized what an interesting person you are. That realization is what's making me much more likely to pick up your new book.
To put it another way, I'm much more of a fan of you than of your work, although once I pick up Daughter of Hounds that ratio may change. Dunno, really. But right now, I'm here for the weird tangents and ahuman paganity, mostly.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-15 10:35 am (UTC)As always, this is your journal and so you have the final say on what goes into it but I would like to join with the other posters to say that I would miss your opinions on philosophy, spirituality and all the other subjects that come up.
Either way you take the journal, I agree with abbadie,
Well, do whatever is best for you; we're with you all the same.