greygirlbeast: (white2)
[personal profile] greygirlbeast
Late last night, just after 2 ayem, a bad seizure. I was walking out of the bathroom, and then, a few minutes later, I was lying on the floor of the front parlor. When I could talk again, I asked Spooky if it was bad, and she said, "You've had worse." Small mercies. I went to bed not long afterwards and slept about eight and a half hours, which is more than I've slept at a stretch in ages. This morning, I'm sore and disoriented. I suspect I got a lot of bruises.

I cannot shake the feeling that my fits are something I should not be discussing publicly.

The sun is bright this morning, and the sky is that shade of blue. Terrific thunderstorms last night, hard rain and wind howling around the edges of the house.

Not much to say about yesterday. There was more line editing to be done than I'd expected, mostly pertaining to format. But now B is for Beginnings (the chapbook that comes free with the limited edition of A is for Alien) should be as "corrected" as it's going to get. I still need to go through the collection itself one more time, mostly looking for formatting errors. We read over what has been written on "Some Notes on an Unfinished Film," and Spooky likes it, and she says I should finish it. I sent it to [livejournal.com profile] sovay, who also says finish it. So, I suppose that I will. Part of me wants to set it aside (again), and write something much simpler for Sirenia Digest #35. A simpler narrative structure, I mean. After the decidedly not simple structure of The Red Tree, all those epistolary antics, my preference would be something along the lines of the vignettes from Frog Toes and Tentacles or Tales from the Woeful Platypus. But...here's this story already begun, and I'm already running late, and I don't really have any ideas at the ready for vignettes.

After the editing and reading yesterday, I read and rested, even managing a nap late in the afternoon. Spooky went out into the world and slew a wild pizza for dinner. I fretted about The Red Tree. It rained. Ba da pa pa.

I want to go back to bed, but the platypus says that's not an option.

Date: 2008-10-26 05:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tjcrowley.livejournal.com
I'm hoping you're getting medical attention for them. Elizabeth developed temporal lobe epilepsy before we were married and hid her seizures from me for 5 years. When it got to a point where I could notice, it was because her personality had changed so much that I couldn't recognize the woman I married.

Of course,I won't REALLY get worried until you announce you're converting to Mormonism.

Date: 2008-10-26 05:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

Of course,I won't REALLY get worried until you announce you're converting to Mormonism.

If such a thing happens, you (or anyone else) has permission to shoot me.

Date: 2008-10-26 05:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mrs-ralph.livejournal.com
I hope you feel better now. Try to get some rest...I know the platypus is a harsh beastie but perhaps it will let you have a little break now?

Date: 2008-10-26 05:11 pm (UTC)
sovay: (Default)
From: [personal profile] sovay
But...here's this story already begun, and I'm already running late, and I don't really have any ideas at the ready for vignettes.

Pomegranates.

Date: 2008-10-26 05:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

Pomegranates.

Damn.

Date: 2008-10-26 05:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

I know the platypus is a harsh beastie but perhaps it will let you have a little break now?

The platypus is a harsh mistress.

Er...master. Or something.

Date: 2008-10-26 05:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kalamah.livejournal.com
Why *shouldn't* you talk about your fits? It's your journal, damnit.

Date: 2008-10-26 06:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

Why *shouldn't* you talk about your fits? It's your journal, damnit.

It's not a question of whose journal this is. I think it comes down to my being the product of a time and culture that steadfastly did not discuss "such things" in public. Chronic illness and insanity, for example, were not the sort of thing you talked about openlu beyond the family. And even within the family, there was an unspoken protocol. At the time, of course, nothing comparable to LiveJournal existed. The closest you could have come, I suppose, would have been to stand up in school or church and talk about it, or write letters to the newspaper, or something of the sort. My childhood did not prepare me for a world of blogging. It's an odd sort of contradiction: I am a very private person, and yet I keep this very public journal.

Date: 2008-10-26 07:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kalamah.livejournal.com
Yes, I understand this, and, indeed, I feel the same way. I just want you (or anyone) who writes about "these things" to feel that it's really quite all right.

Date: 2008-10-26 07:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mrs-ralph.livejournal.com
Exactly the trouble with platypii.

BTW

If you don't talk about your medical condition how are you supposed to find out about other people with the same thing and how they are treating it? At the very least you can get some moral support but at the most you might stumble across someone who has found a treatment that works for you.

Date: 2008-10-26 07:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

I just want you (or anyone) who writes about "these things" to feel that it's really quite all right.

Well, I'm not ever sure that I will be truly comfortable doing it, or even believe that I should feel completely comfortable doing it. But I let a little out.

Date: 2008-10-26 07:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

If you don't talk about your medical condition how are you supposed to find out about other people with the same thing and how they are treating it?

My initial response is: doctors, books, medical websites. After all, the "information" I would gather from journal comments would be, by definition, largely anecdotal. I've gotten loads of advice from readers since going public about this (in February?), but none of it has influenced how I treat the condition. And that's not why I talk about it here.

Date: 2008-10-26 07:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mrs-ralph.livejournal.com
I know it's just part of your life. In my case my sister has a very rare form of ALS and while her doctor coordinates with the Muscular Dystrophy Foundation and other doctors and hospitals there are times when we have found out about drug trials, new treatments and studies before he did thanks to the journals of other people with similar ailments. So far all we have managed is a sort of armed truce with her illness but it's better than the alternative.

Date: 2008-10-26 08:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] msss.livejournal.com
Oh, yes. The elephant in the room and all that.

Date: 2008-10-26 08:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] forgottenbelief.livejournal.com
I struggled with the same thing when it comes to my depression/bipolarness/whateverlabelisinthisweek. I finally decided that it was better for me to talk about it in hopes that it would help remove the stigma in society, and if nothing else, I didn't have to hide something that seriously impacts my life.

Course, it helps that I'm a fairly loud person in general.

Date: 2008-10-26 10:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tinkbell.livejournal.com
I don't talk about my medical conditions much. They happen to me, so they're not an active part of my life.

Sometimes I wonder if people think I make up my nut allergy, for attention, but then I realize that I don't say or do that much just for its effect (mostly), and if they know me, it's fine. I am supposed to go to the emergency room whenever I eat something. Instead, I let people know I might have to go, then go make myself throw up, which works very well. (A European medical student suggested this. Never heard it from American doctors; malpractice suits, I'd guess.)

Date: 2008-10-26 10:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stsisyphus.livejournal.com
I cannot shake the feeling that my fits are something I should not be discussing publicly.

While I see the previously comments, and think you have an understanding of why you feel that you shouldn't speak about them, I'll offer that I think you're discussing it in the most private manner possible. While allowing your audience to acknowledge and possess the factual knowledge of your condition is not necessarily congruent with sharing it with us. At this point, and without any real datamining, all I know is that you have these symptoms and episodes, and objective findings or a cogent treatment plan are elusive.

From what I recall, your entries here merely catalog the occurance episodes. "Hey guys, it happened again, I'm okay, don't worry, damn this dropping out thing sucks." You are not necessarily telling us about the emotional impact, how this is affecting Spooky, or even how your publishers are reacting to it. I think it's just a courtesy thing, because I hope you know that a lot of people care about you and want to know if you're ailing - if only to send good thoughts your way. Or to know that you are perservering well-enough to endure. I am certainly not asking you to share more than you're comfortable with, but I really don't think anyone is judging you or somehow using this information to justify some kind of distaste.

Date: 2008-10-26 11:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

While allowing your audience to acknowledge and possess the factual knowledge of your condition is not necessarily congruent with sharing it with us. At this point, and without any real datamining, all I know is that you have these symptoms and episodes, and objective findings or a cogent treatment plan are elusive.

That's pretty much what I had in mind, I suppose.

Good comment. Thanks.

Date: 2008-10-27 11:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teeheeiambad.livejournal.com
Hmm. Yes. While I have never had a full seizure, I do have a rapid onset of hypoglycemia that has caused me to slam into the ground, many, many times, when I didn't see it coming. Its not fun. I have long had to tell friends and bosses about it and what to do, if I do a floor plant.

Coming to, suddenly not where you just were, not sure how long you were out for, not sure if you are going to be able to get up yet, unable to think or talk...the long, hard sleep afterwards. The bumps and bruises from the falls. Yes. I know all that, very well.

Being that we are pretty much of an age, I also get why its weird to publicly discuss such a thing. I was loathe to do it, but I learned, it was best people knew, in case I needed help and couldn't talk. So keep talking about it. It does get easier.

Date: 2008-10-28 12:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] papersteven.livejournal.com
I second this comment 100%, and I know many many others do too. We just want you to be as well and as happy as you can be. PS. Totally off subject, but do you think there will be any fiction involving the Roanoke Society? That sounded so interesting for Howards End. Thank you! And please just take care of YOU.

Date: 2008-10-28 04:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com
PS. Totally off subject, but do you think there will be any fiction involving the Roanoke Society?

The Roanoke Society might be the subject of the novel after The Red Tree (and, indeed, will be mentioned in the latter).

Date: 2008-10-28 04:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com


Coming to, suddenly not where you just were, not sure how long you were out for, not sure if you are going to be able to get up yet, unable to think or talk...the long, hard sleep afterwards. The bumps and bruises from the falls. Yes. I know all that, very well.


Sounds too, too familiar.

Being that we are pretty much of an age,

So you were also around for the trilobites? ;-)

Date: 2008-10-28 06:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teeheeiambad.livejournal.com
Trilobites..heh.

Old enough to have seen The Replacements twice, remember when Devo was just an art band, knew that Mudhoney was a better band than either Nirvana or Pearl Jam, only skaters and punks knew who Tony Hawk was, knew that the band "Love and Rockets" took their name from the comic book and liked them better as "Tons on Tails", when no one really knew what Meth was or if they sort of did they called it "crank, if people had their own VCR player they were pretty high tech, and if you were at all cool you pegged your Goodwill old man flannel jammie bottoms that you had as pants and used safety clips to hold together the holes, which you wore with your Converse that you scribbled lyrics of "college radio" bands on. Bonus if you had skate guy buddies who gave you their old skate parts that you hung on cords of leather as a necklace and they wanted you to make them friendship bracelets so they could wear a bunch of them.

So yeah, a freaking fossil.

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