greygirlbeast: (Barker)
[personal profile] greygirlbeast
Comment, kittens!

It's not just the innate creepiness of the "praying hands" and swirly lights aspect of the present LJ banner, it's the nigh unto vomitous pale orange/melon-colored scheme. And I have to see it while I compose a journal entry. Someone ought to have to hurt.

Gagh.

Meanwhile, another bout of "not enough sleep" last night, despite my being a good little drone to the Queen Bee of 21st Century Pharmaceutical & Invalidism Culture and having refilled my "sleep aid" script. I think I almost, maybe, slept six hours. And it all just fucking figures. I'm working my ass off, and I'm mostly sleeping well. Often eight hours a night. Then, I force myself to take time off which is, essentially, necessary, and – KERBLAM – no sleep. Write or die. Dance until your feet bleed, or die. Don't stop dancing.

Yesterday was a Very Bad Day, and I don't have those very often anymore. Because I'm a good drone and take my meds and spend the day making honey and all. But yesterday, slip, and there's a Very Bad Day of the sort we've not seen in...quite some time. More than a year. We did leave the house and drive aimlessly about Providence for a while. The weather was too unpredictable to make an attempt at reaching the shore. Sunny, but a chilly wind. It's so green out there, but still it doesn't feel like May. I make the honey, like a good bee, and still the warmth doesn't come, and if I ever dare to stop and catch my breath, then there's no sleep, and the rage returns, and the noise, and the wish for self-annihilation, and no, no, no, you don't know what I mean.

Also, I just accidentally took my morning and afternoon pills at the same time. Booya.

The good news? Spooky just found my riding crop. It vanished when we moved here from Atlanta three years ago, and I despaired of having another so fine, without ponying up (hahahahahahahaha) a tidy sum at a tack shop. But no. Spooky found it.

While we were out, we stopped by Acme Video, and in a desperate effort to quell ye olde inner dæmons, I went hog wild renting comfort movies. Five of them. Movies where the wold is soothingly black and white and grey. Last night we watched two of them, George Cukor's The Philadelphia Story (1940, one of the most perfect films ever made) and John Ford's The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962). It helped, as long as the movies were playing. They ended, and the curtain came down again.

All I need is a reliable supply of opiates, enough for a couple of good doses a week. Paregoric would be perfect. Or laudanum. Or Vicodin. Anything.

In a couple of weeks, I turn 47. There are no words for how utterly fucking fucked up this is. Not just the "Woe is me, I'm getting old" part. That's obvious. No, it's the time dilation. The surreality of having lived from Then until Now, and through the shitstorm in between. It's a wicked sick excuse for a joke, and there's not even a god to blame it on. Only Chance and Probability and all those other rational, empirical anti-gods of Science.

I do have a wishlist at Amazon. You can look at it if you wish. I'm not adverse to gifts this time of year, even if they're of the non-opiate variety.

Oh, and you may now see the complete, final cover of Two Worlds and In Between, just by clicking here. Okay, it's not complete complete, as it still lacks the text of the flap copy. But it's mostly complete. Pay close attention to the book the painting me holds on the front cover. With a larger canvas, infinite regression could have been mimicked. Lee and Kyle are geniuses. They have wrapped my words in folds of zebra flesh and bergamot and vetiver and claret velvet.

Judge the book by its cover. Please.

Yesterday, [livejournal.com profile] stsisyphus commented how Kathe Koja still has a thing for the "love is doom" motif we saw in Skin (1993) and Strange Angels (1995) and Kink (1996). Okay. He didn't name all those books. I filled in the gap. I don't know how Kathe feels about this (I may ask her), but, for my part, yeah...love is mostly doom. Exceptions are few and far between.

Listing to Starboard, Hardly Yar,
Aunt Beast

Date: 2011-05-14 06:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] guenevere.livejournal.com
*waves* I just read Silk for the first time about a week ago, and since I loved it, along with the short stories of yours that I've encountered in various anthologies, I thought I would drop in to tell you so and say hi :)
I look forward to reading your blog, and more of your work!
Also, the Two Worlds And In Between cover ROCKS. So does the title.

~Lily

Date: 2011-05-14 06:18 pm (UTC)

Date: 2011-05-14 06:11 pm (UTC)
ext_4772: (Good Omens)
From: [identity profile] chris-walsh.livejournal.com
Then, I force myself to take time off which is, essentially, necessary, and – KERBLAM – no sleep.

Fairy tale insomnia. (Meaning, a fairy tale about insomnia.) If that hasn't happened yet, it has to. And sympathies.

And here's to that touch of whimsy to the cover, what painted-Caitlin's carrying. I assume computer manipulation made that effect a lot easier to achieve than it would've been before.

Date: 2011-05-14 06:14 pm (UTC)
ext_4772: (Star Wars - Fly away...)
From: [identity profile] chris-walsh.livejournal.com
Another thought: if there's anyone who could find something sexy about insomnia, it might be you. Vignette idea? (Still hoping to inspire a Sirenia Digest entry one of these days...got to have goals...)

Date: 2011-05-14 06:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

if there's anyone who could find something sexy about insomnia, it might be you. Vignette idea?

I think I would puke if I tried.

There is no Redemption in insomnia.

Date: 2011-05-14 06:22 pm (UTC)
ext_4772: (Sally Salt Disgusted)
From: [identity profile] chris-walsh.livejournal.com
Definitely don't want to cause you to puke. Never mind, then.

Date: 2011-05-14 06:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

I often this people fair to understand the utter horror that insomnia is for me.

Date: 2011-05-14 06:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

I assume computer manipulation made that effect a lot easier to achieve than it would've been before.

Photoshop!

Date: 2011-05-14 06:21 pm (UTC)
ext_4772: (Baron2)
From: [identity profile] chris-walsh.livejournal.com
Photoshop used well. That's the key thing.

Date: 2011-05-14 06:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seph-ski.livejournal.com
Movies where the wold is soothingly black and white and grey.

Have you ever seen Wim Wenders' "Der Himmel über Berlin" (or "Wings of Desire" as they so very wrongly named it in english)? It's such a beautiful movie. The whole damn thing is like one long poem. That's my go-to, shades of gray, comfort movie. Netflix has it, but not on instant download.

That book cover is truly spectacular. I'm so glad I pre-ordered and secured my copy.

Date: 2011-05-14 06:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com
Have you ever seen Wim Wenders' "Der Himmel über Berlin" (or "Wings of Desire" as they so very wrongly named it in english)?

I have. It happens to be one of Kathyn's favorite movies. For my part, Wings of Desire is a fine English title. I don't think The Sky Over Berlin or Heaven Over Berlin would work half so well.

I'm so glad I pre-ordered and secured my copy.

I'm so glad that you did, too.

Edited Date: 2011-05-14 06:34 pm (UTC)

Date: 2011-05-14 06:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seph-ski.livejournal.com
For my part, Wings of Desire is a fine English title.

It just sounds like a cheap paperback romance to me. I get the same "that's so wrong!" reaction to it that I do to vapid-looking tramp-stamped heroines on the covers of your books. Not that I'm arguing, mind you, but that's just why it bothers me. Very sorry if that's a sore topic, but it's the best comparison I had.

Date: 2011-05-14 06:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

Very sorry if that's a sore topic

I just never saw anyone object to the English title before.

Date: 2011-05-14 06:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stsisyphus.livejournal.com
You are correct that I didn't mention Strange Angels or Kink, which was because I hadn't actually read them (they are in the house and belong to The Lady) - although I did get concise synopses of their plots and had read the jacket blurbs (so I had least had an idea of what they were about). Still, going from reading one of her earlier novels, to reading her most recent, I did find it striking that the same theme would remain consistent over some nearly 20 years.

The good news? Spooky just found my riding crop.

I don't even want to know what shenanigans you got up to that would cause her to go seeking it out. Okay, actually, that's a lie. But whatever.

Date: 2011-05-14 06:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

I did find it striking that the same theme would remain consistent over some nearly 20 years.

There are constant truths. I think The Drowning Girl is my first novel wherein love in not essentially doom. And then, only just barely.

I don't even want to know what shenanigans you got up to that would cause her to go seeking it out. Okay, actually, that's a lie. But whatever.

Pain grounds me.

Date: 2011-05-14 06:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] terriblyvexd.livejournal.com
Judge the book by its cover. Please.

I would have absolutely picked this one up at the store based on the cover, but since I am pre-ordering, I won't have to! (Except to maybe look at it again.)
Beautiful on the front cover, and I love the photographs as well.

Date: 2011-05-14 06:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

I would have absolutely picked this one up at the store based on the cover, but since I am pre-ordering, I won't have to! (Except to maybe look at it again.)

I doubt many bookshops will carry it.

Date: 2011-05-14 06:46 pm (UTC)
sovay: (Sovay: David Owen)
From: [personal profile] sovay
Comment, kittens!

Tilda Swinton has a new movie out.

Date: 2011-05-14 06:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

Nice. I wonder what's happened to her Bathory film?

Date: 2011-05-14 06:55 pm (UTC)
sovay: (PJ Harvey: crow)
From: [personal profile] sovay
I wonder what's happened to her Bathory film?

Still in production, it looks like.

Date: 2011-05-14 06:55 pm (UTC)

Date: 2011-05-14 06:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lois2037.livejournal.com
The book does look wonderful! You look like a shaman on the back cover, about to begin a ritual within the confines of the natural history museum. I see what you mean about feeling it's a sacred space.

"...and no, no, no, you don't know what I mean."

No, I don't know what you mean, but I do know the rage (I'm famous for it - ask Lee Moyer), and the wish for self-annihilation. I get too pissed off at the world to give it the satisfaction of my leaving it, though.



Date: 2011-05-14 06:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

I see what you mean about feeling it's a sacred space.

I was aiming for that.

I get too pissed off at the world to give it the satisfaction of my leaving it, though.

I have simply ceased to care, as the world as damned itself.

Date: 2011-05-14 07:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] p-m-cryan.livejournal.com
...I make the honey, like a good bee, and still the warmth doesn't come, and if I ever dare to stop and catch my breath, then there's no sleep, and the rage returns, and the noise, and the wish for self-annihilation, and no, no, no, you don't know what I mean.

Nope, I don't *KNOW*, but it is a rather familiar feeling. Especially the rage part.

But yes, that book cover is sheer gorgeousness.

Date: 2011-05-14 07:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

Nope, I don't *KNOW*, but it is a rather familiar feeling. Especially the rage part.

I knew, saying that, I might piss people off. But I truly do tire of multitudinous "I know just how you feel" comments. It seems like some knee-jerk need to form a tribe of sickly people.

Date: 2011-05-14 09:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kathryn-aka-kat.livejournal.com
Everyone is sick in their own way.

(the cover is gorgeous)
Edited Date: 2011-05-14 09:24 pm (UTC)

Date: 2011-05-15 01:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

Everyone is sick in their own way.

I contend most people are basically healthy. Abnormal cannot be the norm.

Date: 2011-05-15 06:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] p-m-cryan.livejournal.com
Oh, you didn't piss me off.

The melony LJ colour scheme... now THAT is annoying.

I'm trying to pretend it's not Rapture-connected, but instead more a hope for sunlight, since the Eastern Seaboard is rife with storm cells and rainy skies. I'm not succeeding too well, but at least rainy days seem to be fostering steady bookstore sales in my little kingdom.

Date: 2011-05-14 09:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mlb194.livejournal.com
Stunning cover, very much looking forward to the book arriving.

Date: 2011-05-14 11:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whiskeychick.livejournal.com
If you look on the rapture LJ screen, there's a tiny peeled corner in the upper right-hand. I just imagined that it's a painting some Luddite painted to cover the dark. I imagined peeling back the painting to reveal the darkness we much rather prefer.

Date: 2011-05-15 01:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tsarina.livejournal.com
I love Philadelphia Story. That and The Big Sleep and Mildred Pierce are some of my favorites. I spent a lot of time watching old movies on weekends, when I wasn't sitting underneath the dining room table reading.

Date: 2011-05-15 01:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

I never got into Mildred Pierce.

Love the cover

Date: 2011-05-15 04:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] melissaleeg83.livejournal.com
It makes me want to walk around in your world(s).

Date: 2011-05-15 12:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] homewardangel.livejournal.com
Not much of a comment but ... it seems like its a rough period for insomnia. i've been up a lot lately too which seems to make working the days even harder. i hope you feel better soon.

Date: 2011-05-15 05:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] docbrite.livejournal.com
The good news? Spooky just found my riding crop.

The same one you spanked me with circa 1996 and my cat Boris kept stealing?

Date: 2011-05-15 05:52 pm (UTC)
blackestdarkness: (boots)
From: [personal profile] blackestdarkness
Spooky just found my riding crop. It vanished when we moved here from Atlanta three years ago,

How did you live without it for three years? Heh.

Date: 2011-05-16 03:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gargirl.livejournal.com
Wow. The cover looks amazing! I can hardly wait to hold that book. I love the photo on the back too; the artist in her natural setting or one of them anyway? Will that lovely little cameo-like headshot be on the book too? I wasn't sure looking at it. In any case, a gorgeous book I am looking forward to immensely.

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Caitlín R. Kiernan

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