greygirlbeast: (talks to wolves)
[personal profile] greygirlbeast
Monsieur Insomnie, va niquer ta mère. S'il vous plaît. Merci.

-- Tante Bête

It was full fucking daylight before I found sleep. Maybe 7 a.m. The specifics are a little hazy.

Yesterday, it was too warm to stay inside. It was too warm and I was too filled with anger, and so we left the house. We drove. The temperature was in the low seventies Fahrenheit, and the sun was bright. In Providence, the trees are bright with sprays of green and yellow and pink and white. The grass is going green. We drove about College Hill and the Eastside (not to be confused with East Providence, sensu stricto). And then we drove south. I think we meant, originally, to stop when we got to Wickford, but we kept going, all the way south to Narragansett and Point Judith. Driving through South County, the trees (native hardwoods) are still mostly barren. It still looks a lot like winter down there. Ugly and grey and bleak.

But we reached the sea. And maybe it was warm back in Providence, but at Point Judith, it was just shy of freezing. The surf was rough, and there were about half a dozen surfers making the best of it. We also visited Harbor of Refuge, where we fed cheese crackers to several species of seagulls. We saw other birds near the sea and the salt marshes: cormorants, swans, mallards, robins, Canadian geese, and what was probably a raven. The sea was loud and violent, rising and shattering itself against the granite jetty. And the roar and the violence were much appreciated. I dozed most of the way back to Providence, and when I woke, whatever bit of soothing the sea had accomplished was gone, and there was only the anger again.

Oh, we did have the cameras with us. But I aggressively resisted any urge to take pictures. There's too much sharing as it is.

Last night, I needed comfort movies, so we watched Fight Club (1999) and then Death Proof (2007). Marla Singer and Zoe Bell always help, even if only just a little bit. We played Rift. Selwyn reached Level 31. And then...I didn't sleep. Which brings us full circle, as we say.

I should go. There's work to do, and I'm 1/10th awake, so maybe I'll do some of it. Comment if you wish, and I'll probably reply. I'm going to sit here, finish my tepid coffee, listen to Brown Bird, and bask in the chilly air coming in my open office window.

Date: 2011-04-25 06:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kaz-mahoney.livejournal.com
I haven't been sleeping well, lately. Mostly awake, still, around 4 or 5am... It's not something that happens to me too often, thankfully. It is such a hollow, lonely sort of feeling. I'm truly sorry you suffer so often.

Date: 2011-04-25 07:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

It is such a hollow, lonely sort of feeling.

Well said.

Date: 2011-04-25 07:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ashlyme.livejournal.com
I sympathise. It's the reverse for me; very often, I sleep for a few hours, then wake at four, or some other godsforsaken hour. This morning had one little compensation. I heard my first cuckoo in years, maybe twenty.

I wish the sea was big enough to contain your anger.

Date: 2011-04-25 08:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

I wish the sea was big enough to contain your anger.

It's big enough a million times over. But I'd have had to drown.

Date: 2011-04-25 08:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whiskeychick.livejournal.com
the insomnia demons have been spreading their filth thick lately.

I haven't visited the sea or the forest or anything in ages. This must be remedied.

Date: 2011-04-25 08:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

I haven't visited the sea or the forest or anything in ages.

I can hardly even imagine.

Date: 2011-04-25 08:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stsisyphus.livejournal.com
It's no way to spend a day, roiling in anger.

May the words come easily today.

Date: 2011-04-25 08:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

It's no way to spend a day, roiling in anger.

Yet I spend so many of them just that way.

Date: 2011-04-26 03:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] corucia.livejournal.com
And then...I didn't sleep.

I went through a long bout of insomnia when younger. Not much more to say than it sucks.

Pity you don't suffer from lichenthropy. Then you'd spend at least a few nights a month getting a rest, albeit frilly, grey-green and flattened against the stone nearest when the full moon rose...

Date: 2011-04-26 06:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

Then you'd spend at least a few nights a month getting a rest, albeit frilly, grey-green and flattened against the stone nearest when the full moon rose...

That's sort of sexy.

like most things in my life, i switch.

Date: 2011-04-26 04:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] melissaleeg83.livejournal.com
I either sleep all the time, or no more than 4 hours.
And drinking helps, despite what I've been told that it does not work, but I tend to sleep longer, better, and wake up refreshed. It also helps with my crying fits. The problem is that I can't afford it as much as I do it.

Spending the day by the sea sounds like fun. Even if I do try to avoid the sun as much as I can.
Have you tried gardening? That that I'm into it at all, but when I'm angry I do like to stab the earth with a shovel until I have a big hole than put a pretty plant in it.

Re: like most things in my life, i switch.

Date: 2011-04-26 06:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

Have you tried gardening?

Long ago. I enjoyed it. I was good at it.

Date: 2011-04-26 02:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] homewardangel.livejournal.com
i'm glad to hear you got out yesterday - it WAS beautiful. i stayed inside and dealt with end of semester grading and still more research for the last chapter. i'd say boo to this but i finally found some of the stuff i've been looking for for weeks so i was relatively pleased actually.

EDIT: this overly self-involved comment has been brought to you by i need to update my own journal instead. :/
Edited Date: 2011-04-26 02:08 pm (UTC)

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