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[personal profile] greygirlbeast
Argh. Up much too late last night. Not even insomnia, just too dumb to go to bed. Just too unwilling to sleep. I resent that we sleep half our lives away. Or a third. Or what the hell ever. I resent it. Add in the time we spend sitting on toilets...it's depressing as fuck. But, on the other hand, only one seizure in the past couple of months.

I also hate how having a psychiatrist appointment at 4:30 p.m. makes it impossible for me to get any work done beforehand. I did try to work on the interview, but only made it through one question (on magick). I may soon refuse to give interviews for a while. My answers are becoming too angry, too combative.

I fell asleep with a new painting in my head. Black Ships Ate the Sky. Yeah, inspired by the Current 93 album. And other things. I can see the painting clearly. And I know this one will be too personal to sell.

Just before sunset yesterday the light over Providence was amazing. I wish I'd had the camera with me. It was just...brilliant. The soft orange autumn light, the deep blue-gray clouds , the darkening sky showing in between, the brick buildings on College Hill glowing like hot embers. At Whole Foods, Spooky picked up a second pumpkin, because we're having two jack-o'-lanterns this year. Sea gulls were black silhouettes above the river.

I found a new favorite band yesterday, and they're right here in Rhode Island. Have a listen to Brown Bird. Actually, it was Spooky who found them, then pointed me towards them.

But I know that who I was is who I'm not and I will never be again.

Ebay auctions continue, because taxes were paid. There's also Spooky's Dreaming Squid Dollworks and Sundries Etsy shop. Cool Halloween stuff that goes away on November 1st.

Angry this morning over parents who try to force their gay or transgendered children to be straight or cisgendered. Or, hell. Parents who force children who wear blue socks when they want to wear green socks. What the hell ever. Parents who hold their love hostage, who dangle it like a carrot on a stick. So, this is my message for the day, in case anything is listening: Love is not conditional. No, not ever. And what is conditional is not love.

Same rules apply to so-called "loving" gods.

Oh, a good thing from yesterday. A package arrived from Robin in Massachusetts. A fourth printing of the edition of Lovecraft's Dagon, and Other Macabre Tales (Arkham House, 1965), with the Lee Brown Coye cover I spoke of in my keynote speech at the Lovecraft Film Festival. Before this, I only had a much later Arkham House edition (1986, corrected text), but this is the edition that brought me to HPL, way back in 1981, so thank you.

Hello, Natasha.

Everyone who expressed an interest in joining Eyes of Sylvanas, Spooky and I will be doing the Alterac Valley battlefield tonight (and maybe tomorrow night, too), because it's Call to Arms this weekend, and Shaharrazad and Suraa need more epic gear. If you're level 80, feel free to join the team. And to all those who are not yet Level 80, we'll arrange some sort of meet up...somewhere. Just send one of us a pm inworld.

The platypus says shut the hell up. So, see you tomorrow. Today, I've got to finish "At the Reef."

Date: 2010-10-23 05:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seismickitten.livejournal.com
"Angry this morning over parents who try to force their gay or transgendered children to be straight or cisgendered. Or, hell. Parents who force children who wear blue socks when they want to wear green socks. What the hell ever. Parents who hold their love hostage, who dangle it like a carrot on a stick."

Is this, in part, brought on by the latest episode of Project Runway? Because I felt exactly the same after watching the home visits. Regardless of the spark that set it off, it's an important thing to say -- and it certainly makes me infinitely glad to have my own parents.

Also, I finally have my copy of The Ammonite Violin & Others (I had it shipped to my parents' home and didn't end up there until [Canadian] Thanksgiving) and, though I've only begun, it's absolutely breath-taking. I feel like I could lose myself in its pages. So thank you, as always.

Date: 2010-10-23 05:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

Is this, in part, brought on by the latest episode of Project Runway?

Yes.

Also, I finally have my copy of The Ammonite Violin & Others (I had it shipped to my parents' home and didn't end up there until [Canadian] Thanksgiving) and, though I've only begun, it's absolutely breath-taking. I feel like I could lose myself in its pages. So thank you, as always.

You're welcome, and thank you.

Date: 2010-10-23 05:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] martianmooncrab.livejournal.com
Love is not conditional. No, not ever.

I had a very good therapist who showed me how one can love ones parent(s)unconditionally, but you dont have to like them. Made a world of difference in dealing with my abandonment issues. (My mother was fond of telling me if I didnt behave, she wouldnt love me anymore)

Date: 2010-10-23 05:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

(My mother was fond of telling me if I didnt behave, she wouldnt love me anymore)

How sweet.

Date: 2010-10-23 06:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] martianmooncrab.livejournal.com
I am just lucky that I have a Wicked Evil Step-Mom, who is neither Wicked nor Evil. Total failure at it. A disgrace to their standards.

Date: 2010-10-23 07:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cliff52.livejournal.com
and what is conditional is not love.

Date: 2010-10-23 08:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

and what is conditional is not love.

Yes. In fact, I am amending my statement to include this.

Date: 2010-10-23 08:49 pm (UTC)
sovay: (PJ Harvey: crow)
From: [personal profile] sovay
Same rules apply to so-called "loving" gods.

Amen.

Date: 2010-10-23 09:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lupa.livejournal.com
Love, love, LOVE the addition of the "so-called 'loving' gods" to this post. This has been such a sticking point for me, and I feel sometimes as though I have been angry for 30 years straight about this particular assertion. So thank you for voicing that - particularly now, and proximity-associated with the context of LGBT concerns.

Date: 2010-10-23 09:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greygirlbeast.livejournal.com

Love, love, LOVE the addition of the "so-called 'loving' gods" to this post. This has been such a sticking point for me, and I feel sometimes as though I have been angry for 30 years straight about this particular assertion. So thank you for voicing that - particularly now, and proximity-associated with the context of LGBT concerns.

Thank you, and you're welcome. This goes back to something I said in a recent post about infantile gods who we are told expect our unwavering adoration and praise, or else.

Love

Date: 2010-10-24 02:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jessamyg.livejournal.com
Can definitely say, from my own experience, that love does not give a living shit about boundaries, and laughs at so-called conditions. This from the perspective of a Wiccan who is married to a Catholic. If I didn't think it would be visited back on me I'd hope that the foundations of the Xtian church quaked at the thought of this love.

Date: 2010-10-24 04:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] robyn-ma.livejournal.com
Holy crap, that was fast.

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Caitlín R. Kiernan

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